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Touching Base and Finding The Words
10 years ago
Okay so I have rewritten this journal so many times. I still do not know how to word this whole thing without it sounding like some whiny excuse.
So whatever here goes.
I have been having a lot of trouble this winter. I just have been really struggling with a lot of things; motivation, energy, sleep, health, creativity, just to name a few. This feeling where I cannot seem to make myself do anything, I pick at the things on my list but nothing ever really gets DONE, and I grow more aware that I really just do not enjoy art as much as I used to.
It recently got a bit better since sleep is starting to get more regulated and I am back into trying to get the short backlog done, it's just very slow.
For years now I have been struggling with anxiety, and a sense of insecurity. I never feel like I am "enough" whether it is good enough or smart enough etc. I started seeing a therapist when it reached a really damaging, dark place and I just felt like I couldn't keep living like this. So I am about 10 sessions in and only now am I starting to understand my head-space and the causes of those feelings.
I still struggle on the art front, if it isn't work for you guys I do not even feel like drawing, and even then I am really having a hard time keeping the energy up to get through it. Since the snow began all I have been doing pretty much is being sick, sleeping, and struggling to get through things.
I've been focusing on getting my mental health in order, because its a real thing that is standing between me and functionality and happiness. I do not know what I want out of my career, or what I want to do with my art anymore. I am trying to figure out what is just my anxiety talking and which is really things I need to work on.
I don't know I am rambling.
I'm spending time figuring out what I want, what makes ME happy. Trying to bring back some of the spark of doing my art like I used to have.
I do not believe in using the term "art block" . I could force out art, but it just wouldn't be all that it could be. I am just not motivated. I am feeling a large range of things that make me question where I am and where I am going. Things that make me question my self worth.
Therapy is helping me look at these things realistically and with a balanced perspective.
So give me some time folks, I am still trying but to be at my HAPPIEST and HEALTHIEST I need to do things in the time they need to be set right. Things are coming along more and more but really I cannot promise anything until I have more solid ground under me.
Once this list is clear (it is thankfully short) I will be opening for very small amounts of commissions. I do not get many as it is but I need to help the house how I can. At least until I have a better idea what I want to do. It will probably be a lot of gimmicky things based on what I am feeling up to.
Right idk, bye!
So whatever here goes.
I have been having a lot of trouble this winter. I just have been really struggling with a lot of things; motivation, energy, sleep, health, creativity, just to name a few. This feeling where I cannot seem to make myself do anything, I pick at the things on my list but nothing ever really gets DONE, and I grow more aware that I really just do not enjoy art as much as I used to.
It recently got a bit better since sleep is starting to get more regulated and I am back into trying to get the short backlog done, it's just very slow.
For years now I have been struggling with anxiety, and a sense of insecurity. I never feel like I am "enough" whether it is good enough or smart enough etc. I started seeing a therapist when it reached a really damaging, dark place and I just felt like I couldn't keep living like this. So I am about 10 sessions in and only now am I starting to understand my head-space and the causes of those feelings.
I still struggle on the art front, if it isn't work for you guys I do not even feel like drawing, and even then I am really having a hard time keeping the energy up to get through it. Since the snow began all I have been doing pretty much is being sick, sleeping, and struggling to get through things.
I've been focusing on getting my mental health in order, because its a real thing that is standing between me and functionality and happiness. I do not know what I want out of my career, or what I want to do with my art anymore. I am trying to figure out what is just my anxiety talking and which is really things I need to work on.
I don't know I am rambling.
I'm spending time figuring out what I want, what makes ME happy. Trying to bring back some of the spark of doing my art like I used to have.
I do not believe in using the term "art block" . I could force out art, but it just wouldn't be all that it could be. I am just not motivated. I am feeling a large range of things that make me question where I am and where I am going. Things that make me question my self worth.
Therapy is helping me look at these things realistically and with a balanced perspective.
So give me some time folks, I am still trying but to be at my HAPPIEST and HEALTHIEST I need to do things in the time they need to be set right. Things are coming along more and more but really I cannot promise anything until I have more solid ground under me.
Once this list is clear (it is thankfully short) I will be opening for very small amounts of commissions. I do not get many as it is but I need to help the house how I can. At least until I have a better idea what I want to do. It will probably be a lot of gimmicky things based on what I am feeling up to.
Right idk, bye!
got a friend in a similar scenario, he is also getting a little help and turning his life around. So if you need anything do not hesitate to holler at me :3
Take the time and feel betters!
This bit of silliness hopefully cracks a little smile!
My dad bought me a book as a gift, and the contents of that book are why I posted something within the last few months.
Here's the book.
This should fix it.
Sometimes listening to music that makes my headspace work with the image can help me out. Dunno if that'd help you but as I'm getting older, I'm finding that art-passion just kind of fizzle away into nothing.