This is a rant of the shit that I feel that all seemed to have started over the short radius of a single week...

Never have I felt such a level of depression that has lasted as long as this and all over a simple chatroom discussion on Skype. I'm not going to get into specifics of the people involved. All I can say is that a simple case of extremely callous and harsh words from a specific someone destroyed both my mate's trust in the chatroom and ultimately my trust in what I felt was my friend. You can be one to say that it's just one person, but to me, I felt like it was that including a part of my soul...

What people fail to understand is where I come from socially as a result of me mentally. I'm terrible at finding ways to make friends in both real-life and online. I find many ways to usually question opening up to people online unless I may want to meet them online, though I reach an exception among certain people and certain levels of structure, such as on the chatroom. In other words, this was a very rare treat for me. Finally, a group of people that I can talk to and pour out my life to! At a certain point, it didn't matter if we didn't meet in real-life unless it might be possible later on in life. Naturally, I just felt a sense of confidence with these people that I never felt before...only for it all be gone the moment me and my mate got treated like total shit and my mate left immediately following that!

Ever since that and that alone, I was and still am shattered mentally! All my confidence was stripped away from me and suddenly at this point, the only words I can even utter are words of sorrow...loneliness...despair. Suddenly, feelings of insecurity started creeping in once more only for me to realize that this time, it continues to linger. I think reality seems to be coming to me how impossible it really is to find true joy in friendship. That feeling I refer to as spending time together in real-life, smiling and hugging each other at each passing moment, looking at scenery and pouring ourselves out to each other (maybe shedding some tears of compassion)...that feeling! The fact that I went from talking to my mate exclusively to potentially 10-15 people to literally back to my mate alone is hard. You notice that I forget that there were other people that didn't approve of the guy that treated me like shit...well, they aren't really there for me to talk through this either, so I don't even know if they care that much how I feel...

I just don't even know. At this point, I've been looking 50 different directions hoping that some other people can fill the void the guy in the chat threw at me. My mate also needs his own space to deal with this, so I'm respecting that and letting him choose freely. I just feel like this was one of those certain points where eventually my stifled emotions were going to get unveiled. Should anyone even care to read all this, I would be too grateful for a response. Otherwise, I'm just going to live with the fact that these feelings were just a stupid-ass pipe dream of mine that thought that pouring out my emotions would help revitalize any hope I had in making friends...