FA+
Shop
Random Update (mainly on living situation)
10 years ago
Just checking in I guess. There isn't anything terribly important in here, mostly just random shit my exhausted brain feels like writing about XD
The main thing is that my living situation has become really horrible really fast. Even though I'm in college and shit, I'm still living with my dad, mainly because a, I live in the Bay Area so rent around here is expensive as FUCK (like actually, average $1200/mo for a shitty little studio), b, I also live in a college town so basically there's a huge amount of competition for even the suckiest of apartments, c I go to community college but everybody would much rather rent to the student that goes to the prestigious university in my town, d I have a ton of social anxiety and am very awkward so I don't really make a good first impression. And I don't make a lot of money.
ANYWAYS, the reason this has become a horrible situation all very suddenly is because I kid you not, my dad just married the fucking evil stepmother from cinderella. He flew her and her 16 year old twin daughters in from China like the day after Christmas, and they've been here since. Even though this was some strange person whom I'd never met before who was coming into my house and my life, I tried to be polite and courteous, as much as I can be. Even though she started trying to change me even before she got here. I had to fucking get rid of my snakes because she could not even stand the thought of living under the same roof as one, despite the fact that she would never ever see them and they lived in locked glass cages.
And while things were relatively okay, albeit horribly awkward and uncomfortable, for the first month or so, things went to shit very quickly. February first was the twins' birthday, and they had a "party," if you could even call it that. And this bitch got FURIOUS with me because I didn't sing happy birthday to them enthusiastically enough? She legit thought I was trying to make her mad, and although she didn't say shit to me apparently she screamed at my father every single day about how mad at me she was.
And she never got over it. She started completely ignoring my existence, and trying to make me feel as uncomfortable and unwelcome as possible. February 14th, TWO WHOLE WEEKS LATER, my birthday, she was still pissed. About me not singing. So on my fucking birthday my dad tells me I either have to apologize to her for literally nothing, or I have to move out. Not having anywhere to go, I reluctantly agree to "apologize" after a long argument. So he goes to grab her so we can talk, and about five minutes later he returns to tell me that "she doesn't want to talk to you."
And ever since then, things have just been getting worse by the day. I hear her screaming at him literally almost every morning and every night (about many things, not just me - although I am brought up almost every time). She screams like a toddler about how I don't do my laundry often enough, and when I do I don't hang it right, or how my showers are too long, basically just all really petty and childish shit. And every time I hear her demanding that he kick me out. And while so far he has refused I can see his patience is waning. So I'm worried. I honestly don't know how much longer I will have a place to live.
My instinct is to just beat the shit out of her(I know violence is not the answer but it is my instinctual response to this kind of stuff. *bear*) and shut her up, but of course that would just get me kicked out for sure. My mom says I can stay with her if I absolutely need to, but I stopped living with her because I got into a physical fight with her boyfriend a couple years ago (I swear I don't start these conflicts, I just finish them).
So anyways, I'm not looking for a pity party, I'm just letting y'all know that my life is shitty and unstable right now, so I haven't been getting a lot of work done and I may suddenly become inactive for a while depending on what happens in the near future. I'm hoping that if I do get kicked out it at least happens after I buy a car so I can at least sleep in it if I need to.
On a totally unrelated note, I want to cut all my hair off. At the moment I have long golden locks that are like halfway down my back, but I kind of want to get a super butch really short on the sides slightly less short on top kind of haircut. And bleach it even more blonde. I think most people look better with short hair, and it would reflect my angry personality better (mostly joking). But more than anything it's because I feel like I look childish and am not taken seriously with such long hair. I'm pretty sure humans subconsciously associate long hair with immaturity, childishness and even unintelligence. And I don't wanna be sending those vibes.
Sorry for the long rant, it was really more for me than anything. Now off to bed. 
I also know those instinctual urges you describe there. I don't seek conflict either, but when conflict finds me I don't step out of its way either ^^
I can't understand why your father has married such a person, and i guess neither can you, but then the human heart is hard to understand anyway.