Tonight I realized something; but, further, not only did I realize it, i felt that it was so deeply-piercing that It had to be shared with anybody unfortunate enough to wander across my little slice of fantasy.

My ex, and still most amazing person in the world, and I once saw the play Wicked. In this play, there is a song that says "No good deed goes unpunished." I never understood what that line meant. How could a good deed be punished? It's a good deed.

Tonight, my good deeds were punished. Tonight I realized that no matter how hard I try to be a kind person and help somebody out and give them what they need/want, it will always backfire. I will fall for somebody, I will do everything I can to make them happy, and I will push them away. No names, and no order, will follow here. Only the truth. F'k you if you think I'm wrong.

I did what your friends should have done... you should not have been let fall. You should not have been allowed to spiral so far down that the only think that feels safe is introversion and distrust. You live with this pain, now, because nobody saw where you were falling. I wish I was there when it started; but I wasn't. I, however, am here now. And I'll walk through your hell to stop your from falling anymore.

I'm sorry I cared about the religion. You and I were better than that; and it was a foolish mistake to listen when they said "Thou shalt not..."

I'm sorry I said don't come back. When you left for up north and sleapt with your ex, then texted me the next day all the details... I'm sorry I didn't forgive you. Sitting at my desk, creating these words and these images, I fill my head with the thousand different ways to curse myself for not saying "I'm sorry I drove you to that... tell me how to make it better."

I'm sorry I took you for granted. You were there for me through all the hard times. You loved me unconditionally, and you sat there while I talked about the girls I liked and the people I wish I could be with. You were right there the whole time, but I was too stupid to see it. I'm sorry that I didn't love you as much.

Let this go out as my promise, witnessed by all who's eyes will pass. I don't care if you cheated on me, or that she doesn't have a job or a car, or that she doesn't believe in the same religion as I do... I care that it was right, and it made us both happy. Fuck the people that told me it was wrong. I swear, before all the heavens and those here, I will not make these mistakes again.

And, finally, I renounce this thing called furry. I am not a furry. All furry has gotten me is Mockery, loss, heartache and rejection. I am not a freak. I do not wish to be classified with a group known as 'freaks.' I am well aware that there are several, SEVERAL, non-freak members of the community... but the world doesn't see them. I will not be that.

I am not a cheetah. I am a human. bitch and piss all you want to me about this shit but, at the end of the day, you're a person. you always will be. and so will I. Kheetah is dead. My name is Richard.

Fuck the ones who took them from me.