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~Mom Is Sick~ Update #1
11 years ago
General
*Sigh* I'v known for a few weeks now that my mom has been sick. She was diagnosed with Lupus. Basically Lupus is an immune deficiency disease or an auto-immune that wipes out your ability to fight viruses and such. The body attacks itself. This leaves my moms body defenseless against even the most mild cold that one could get over in days, it could send her to the hospital where it could be fatal.
Right around the same time she was diagnosed with Lupus, i got the flu and then a cold right after that. i was quarantined to my rooms and still am to this very day as i recover from them. I work, come home, go to one of my rooms, work on furmedia, play a game, go to sleep, then go to work. I dont use the kitchen anymore and my wallet is slowly diminishing because i eat out now all the time. i talk to my mom from a distance and text her daily. My rooms look like iv been living out of them for years. its not living, its surviving at this point. Its put such an emotional drain on me to the point i just want to come home and sleep.
Within the last week, my mom got a bone marrow biopsy that was supposed to tell her what kind of Lupus she had and how severe it was, but the results came back faster than expected and the news was that the marrow was 95% cancer. My heart sank and i fell to a whole new low. i went into work and grabbed my boss and demanded a hug as she dragged me into the elevator where i just cried into her shoulders outloud saying "i dont want to lose my mom" "this can;t be happening, she's gone through so much already in this life, why is she being punished with this". it was one emotional break down after another and it still is. I got the news the day i was supposed to broadcast Cosplayers of the Fandom and there was no way i could perform my best.
Now we wait. we wait to have scans done to see what kind of lymphoma cancer it is. is it Hodgkins or Non-Hodgkins, we wont know till the scans get done. The scary part is that with her age and the condition she's in, chemo could go really good or really bad. My mom has fought some battles in her life, bt i dont know if she can fight this one. People keep telling me that i just need to support her and have faith, but even now my faith in a god starts to fade. What kind of god would keep throwing life battles at a woman like this? She needs a break, she needs comfort, not more crap. With me being mormon, questioning god is a big no-no, but now i feel its fair to.
Im just scared, plainly scared. Im scared im going to lose my mother. im scared im going to get that phone call or text that moms in the hospital, come quick. I should be strong, but right now i feel like im losing my mind.
So thats where im at right now. Im going to continue to work on
furmedia the best I can and bring shows to the fans as much as i can. I do ask though when i need to step away from it or or need a moment, that you all respect it and be there in support. I don't ever ask for help unless i feel i really need it, and man do i feel like i could use the love and hugs right now of comfort. I'll be searching for others who have gone or are currently going through the same thing as loved ones they know have a cancer. i need to know how to support, i need to know how to prepare for the worst.
Thank you for understanding if you do. I rarely open up like this publicly, but i feel its one of many ways to help me through this and relieve some feelings.
Love always,
SpaceBear Sparx
Right around the same time she was diagnosed with Lupus, i got the flu and then a cold right after that. i was quarantined to my rooms and still am to this very day as i recover from them. I work, come home, go to one of my rooms, work on furmedia, play a game, go to sleep, then go to work. I dont use the kitchen anymore and my wallet is slowly diminishing because i eat out now all the time. i talk to my mom from a distance and text her daily. My rooms look like iv been living out of them for years. its not living, its surviving at this point. Its put such an emotional drain on me to the point i just want to come home and sleep.
Within the last week, my mom got a bone marrow biopsy that was supposed to tell her what kind of Lupus she had and how severe it was, but the results came back faster than expected and the news was that the marrow was 95% cancer. My heart sank and i fell to a whole new low. i went into work and grabbed my boss and demanded a hug as she dragged me into the elevator where i just cried into her shoulders outloud saying "i dont want to lose my mom" "this can;t be happening, she's gone through so much already in this life, why is she being punished with this". it was one emotional break down after another and it still is. I got the news the day i was supposed to broadcast Cosplayers of the Fandom and there was no way i could perform my best.
Now we wait. we wait to have scans done to see what kind of lymphoma cancer it is. is it Hodgkins or Non-Hodgkins, we wont know till the scans get done. The scary part is that with her age and the condition she's in, chemo could go really good or really bad. My mom has fought some battles in her life, bt i dont know if she can fight this one. People keep telling me that i just need to support her and have faith, but even now my faith in a god starts to fade. What kind of god would keep throwing life battles at a woman like this? She needs a break, she needs comfort, not more crap. With me being mormon, questioning god is a big no-no, but now i feel its fair to.
Im just scared, plainly scared. Im scared im going to lose my mother. im scared im going to get that phone call or text that moms in the hospital, come quick. I should be strong, but right now i feel like im losing my mind.
So thats where im at right now. Im going to continue to work on
furmedia the best I can and bring shows to the fans as much as i can. I do ask though when i need to step away from it or or need a moment, that you all respect it and be there in support. I don't ever ask for help unless i feel i really need it, and man do i feel like i could use the love and hugs right now of comfort. I'll be searching for others who have gone or are currently going through the same thing as loved ones they know have a cancer. i need to know how to support, i need to know how to prepare for the worst.Thank you for understanding if you do. I rarely open up like this publicly, but i feel its one of many ways to help me through this and relieve some feelings.
Love always,
SpaceBear Sparx
You said that your mother has been suffering from lupus for quite some time, correct? Well, God takes those who are suffering home with Him so they can suffer no more. I know its hard to believe this, but God throws crap into people's lives to show them and their families just how strong they can be. Sure, some of them just might die from it. But that doesn't mean that they're weak, or that doesn't mean God is being hateful. It means God is testing your faith.
Do you remember the story from thw Bible where Jesus and his disciples went across the lake and the storm came? You see, Jesus was testing their faith. He knew the storm was coming. He was asleep in the back while his disciples were afraid they might drown. They woke Jesus up and told Him that they were going to drown. So Jesus walked to the front of the boat and told the storm to be quiet. The cool thing is this story has a modern meaning. The storm is a disaster in life. Take your mother's illness for example. Satan is shoving this storm in your face screaming for you to stop believing in God. And if you do, you're givibg Satan what he wants. Do you really want the Devil to be happy? If you turn to Jesus for help with this storm, He will quiet your storm. (This is the coolest part, because the old Hebrew word for "quiet" is "shh". So that means Jesus didn't scream "BE QUIET, STORM!" He merely told it to "Shh.") I know you don't want to hear this, but, yes, Jesus quieting your storm just might mean He may take your mpther home. But look on the bright side, she'll be in a better place.
Now, the end of the Biblical story is about Jesus and his disciples getting to the other side. Jesus saved a man who was possessed by seven demons. The meaning of this part is that you have to go throw storms to give Jesus to someone and save them from Hell. Because we all know that Hell is worse than everything.
I am so very sorry to hear this :( No words I can say can describe what I really wanna say to yu.
I wish I could be there with you despite you not knowing me at all.
I have been listening to Furmedia a LOT lately and it just maks me so happy. Your voice your happiness!
I hope she gets better soon and IF there is anything. ANything at all I can do I'll try my best to do it.
*hugs*
I'm not religious i any way, but I will pray for you and your mom.