Uh... I don't really know how to put this, considering the severity of the last Journal, but...

"I don't know if the comp is gonna pull some kind of miracle in a couple of days or what, like my possessions sometimes do"

^this

Yeah... Trust me, it's just as confusing for me as it is for you, assuming you read this. Just to again confirm that the laptop was totally dead and disabled, I hit the power button on a whim. Almost freaked out when the HDD light stayed on slightly longer than usual, just to be disappointed when it went blank. Then completely freaked out when the light came on a second time and the backlight switched on. Holy shit it worked. Company logo came up on screen a second later. AND NOW THERES NO HINT AT ALL THAT IT EVER FAILED! No slowdown, no errors with any programs, no BSOD, nothing fucking wrong at all.

So basically, the two people that offered any money for a fix, I'm gonna ask the guy handling it to return that money immediately. Sorry for the scare, etc. etc.