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Nailing it down.
17 years ago
General
The move is almost upon me. I have boxes cluttering my room instead of my own articles of clothing tossed about the floor. I've discovered lost treasures that I had thought stolen or left behind and even my DreamCast which I had mourned over for maybe a week or two a couple years ago. In two more days Rib and I will take my bookcases, wall mounts and several boxes of DVDs and books over to my new place.
While bundling some old comics I happened upon photo albums I used to frequently contribute to through elementary through half of high school along with some photos my parents had snuck in of me when I was younger and visiting my grandparents in Ireland. I have photos of this room when I was four and we moved in. I can't believe how long I've lived in this room..
..-this fucking box of a room where I can't take a step without tripping over wires and falling on something jagged and metallic. I've developed a death trap for myself. I believe it's my subconscious's lengthy plan of a painful self-inflicted suicide coming to fruition.
On a side-note however, I've found a total of EIGHTEEN articles of ex-girlfriends clothing behind my bed and mixed in with my lot of clothing. My friend and I made a bra and panty necklace. ..Which was promptly stolen and dragged under the bed by my little sister's dog. And we never saw it [in one piece] again.
Anyway. Along with the old photos of some impostor child I deny I ever was were photos of friend's long past expired. The first crush, a beautiful sociopath who always had a content smile on her pretty face when I agreed to hold her hand (after beating that suffocating shyness away) each day after school when we were eight; ousted from life by a painful addiction and awful home life. The Finks (who, coincidentally were cousins with such an appropriate last name) who taught me the thrill of thievery and to craft words to make them mean ANYTHING you want; now one is a permanent seat warmer at poker tables down in Atlantic City testing the tolerance of his shriveled liver while the other tries and tries again to live off of failed internet scams with a leech of a significant other. Ugh. The list goes on. But when I looked at the photos I was initially filled with a pining to get back those feelings we had at the time captured in the small prints. However that awful knowledge of who they are now corrupts those warm feelings and leaves a bile-like taste on the back of my tongue.
But they are who made the mistakes for me and were too damn proud to accept a helping hand. As she said. "You can't save everyone".
Well in the attempt to move away from such depressing things, onto some news (for the two people that read these journal entries)!
I've decided to stop mulling over my big project which was to be a long, novel length series. Instead, I will be working on short stories and the like until I get my teaching career all smoothed out. I've run into some wrinkles with the graduation of my first school and transfer to the next and this series is too important to me to just muck it up from the get-go.
So, I give you ZOMBIES!
Yes children, ZOMBIES! The animate corpses of the recently (and not so recently) deceased who's main interest is chasing fast moving mammals who still have a palpitating heart and devouring them! Although.. to be honest I've never seen a zombie actually FINISH eating another mammal. It gets all gory and then the camera just sort of pans away. A waste, really.
The only snafu I'm having at the moment is nailing my mind down. It's always someplace else from what I have to do tomorrow to what I want to do NOW until tomorrow arrives. My thoughts have become so schizophrenic that it's hard to dedicate to anything. Although, I have been getting better with some help from Rib. He's been knocking me around anytime a distraction might come around.
That's about it for now. Alright. On your bike.
I'll give you a whistle when the zombie story is up.
While bundling some old comics I happened upon photo albums I used to frequently contribute to through elementary through half of high school along with some photos my parents had snuck in of me when I was younger and visiting my grandparents in Ireland. I have photos of this room when I was four and we moved in. I can't believe how long I've lived in this room..
..-this fucking box of a room where I can't take a step without tripping over wires and falling on something jagged and metallic. I've developed a death trap for myself. I believe it's my subconscious's lengthy plan of a painful self-inflicted suicide coming to fruition.
On a side-note however, I've found a total of EIGHTEEN articles of ex-girlfriends clothing behind my bed and mixed in with my lot of clothing. My friend and I made a bra and panty necklace. ..Which was promptly stolen and dragged under the bed by my little sister's dog. And we never saw it [in one piece] again.
Anyway. Along with the old photos of some impostor child I deny I ever was were photos of friend's long past expired. The first crush, a beautiful sociopath who always had a content smile on her pretty face when I agreed to hold her hand (after beating that suffocating shyness away) each day after school when we were eight; ousted from life by a painful addiction and awful home life. The Finks (who, coincidentally were cousins with such an appropriate last name) who taught me the thrill of thievery and to craft words to make them mean ANYTHING you want; now one is a permanent seat warmer at poker tables down in Atlantic City testing the tolerance of his shriveled liver while the other tries and tries again to live off of failed internet scams with a leech of a significant other. Ugh. The list goes on. But when I looked at the photos I was initially filled with a pining to get back those feelings we had at the time captured in the small prints. However that awful knowledge of who they are now corrupts those warm feelings and leaves a bile-like taste on the back of my tongue.
But they are who made the mistakes for me and were too damn proud to accept a helping hand. As she said. "You can't save everyone".
Well in the attempt to move away from such depressing things, onto some news (for the two people that read these journal entries)!
I've decided to stop mulling over my big project which was to be a long, novel length series. Instead, I will be working on short stories and the like until I get my teaching career all smoothed out. I've run into some wrinkles with the graduation of my first school and transfer to the next and this series is too important to me to just muck it up from the get-go.
So, I give you ZOMBIES!
Yes children, ZOMBIES! The animate corpses of the recently (and not so recently) deceased who's main interest is chasing fast moving mammals who still have a palpitating heart and devouring them! Although.. to be honest I've never seen a zombie actually FINISH eating another mammal. It gets all gory and then the camera just sort of pans away. A waste, really.
The only snafu I'm having at the moment is nailing my mind down. It's always someplace else from what I have to do tomorrow to what I want to do NOW until tomorrow arrives. My thoughts have become so schizophrenic that it's hard to dedicate to anything. Although, I have been getting better with some help from Rib. He's been knocking me around anytime a distraction might come around.
That's about it for now. Alright. On your bike.
I'll give you a whistle when the zombie story is up.
but anyway, you know you can call me anytime your feelin down. this kitty can always make you smile! but hey. if i'm not around...just think of the window! XD