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So I've got a question...
10 years ago
...relating to therianthropy.
(So like if you're anti-otherkin/therian or whatever, that's cool but like I don't think you'd have any advice for me so kindly feel free to ignore this journal.)
Okay, so I don't really bring up or talk about therian stuff. I usually don't feel the need to anymore. But I sorta need some advice or something 'cause yeah...I feel like my bad habit of suppressing stuff instead of finding an outlet for it is catching up to me.
Basically, I'm a dog therian (hence the dog fursona) and in terms of beliefs, I don't feel it's a spiritual thing. I'm just not a spiritual person so I tend to see it as wholly psychological. Possibly a coping mechanism that came about to deal with a fear of dogs that i had when I was really little. But I'd have to talk to a therapist really to see about why my mind works the way it does. That's just my theory.
(I actually do want to talk to a therapist about it...I started to a few years ago...I'm just really bad about opening up to people even if that's what I'm paying them for...)
But anyways, I don't think I have the soul of a dog or anything like that. Basically I just literally think it's all "in my head" for lack of a better phrase. As such, I have weird compulsions sometimes (usually along the lines of canine vocalizations) that I do my best to just sorta keep to myself. I don't exactly live alone and while I've tried to explain the whole therianthropy thing to my parents, they don't get it (heck I barely get it) so I don't bother. I don't want them constantly questioning why their daughter is making weird dog-like sounds. So I tend to keep everything bottled up even at home. I'm just kinda used to keeping everything bottled up if I don't have a good outlet for it (this goes for my emotions as well, especially anger).
But yeah, that's not really workin' so well lately.
Like what do other therians/otherkin do when you need an outlet for your kinside? 'Cause I'm super lost in that arena.
(I have no idea if I described any of this well or if it makes sense...I couldn't really find all the words I needed. Also it's late...)
(So like if you're anti-otherkin/therian or whatever, that's cool but like I don't think you'd have any advice for me so kindly feel free to ignore this journal.)
Okay, so I don't really bring up or talk about therian stuff. I usually don't feel the need to anymore. But I sorta need some advice or something 'cause yeah...I feel like my bad habit of suppressing stuff instead of finding an outlet for it is catching up to me.
Basically, I'm a dog therian (hence the dog fursona) and in terms of beliefs, I don't feel it's a spiritual thing. I'm just not a spiritual person so I tend to see it as wholly psychological. Possibly a coping mechanism that came about to deal with a fear of dogs that i had when I was really little. But I'd have to talk to a therapist really to see about why my mind works the way it does. That's just my theory.
(I actually do want to talk to a therapist about it...I started to a few years ago...I'm just really bad about opening up to people even if that's what I'm paying them for...)
But anyways, I don't think I have the soul of a dog or anything like that. Basically I just literally think it's all "in my head" for lack of a better phrase. As such, I have weird compulsions sometimes (usually along the lines of canine vocalizations) that I do my best to just sorta keep to myself. I don't exactly live alone and while I've tried to explain the whole therianthropy thing to my parents, they don't get it (heck I barely get it) so I don't bother. I don't want them constantly questioning why their daughter is making weird dog-like sounds. So I tend to keep everything bottled up even at home. I'm just kinda used to keeping everything bottled up if I don't have a good outlet for it (this goes for my emotions as well, especially anger).
But yeah, that's not really workin' so well lately.
Like what do other therians/otherkin do when you need an outlet for your kinside? 'Cause I'm super lost in that arena.
(I have no idea if I described any of this well or if it makes sense...I couldn't really find all the words I needed. Also it's late...)
Though in all honesty, a big part of it is on me though. The one therapist I did go to was very nice and never pushed me to really talk about what I wasn't ready to talk about. I just have a really hard time just being open about my feelings and who I am as a person. At least when I'm talking with someone face to face about it. I would love to just talk with a therapist over email or chat or something 'cause it would be easier for me to talk. I know it's probably better to do it in person though.
And i completepy understand and feel you...i get self contious about howling, or enjoying my head hanging out the car window, smelling everything i find good so hard you can hear me doing it ..n get looks for it, stopping at the slightest sound with wide eyes frozen n staring into the direction for a minute, among other things. You just have to find a trusting person to confide in. And if u need one i can always try n lend a paw...im good at it im told.
But yeah, I have a few friends who do know but like I'd still be all self conscious being all dog-like in front of them. I've just gotten so used to keeping everything to myself.
One of my friends who I told about my therianthropy keeps saying the same thing. But there's definitely a time and place for weird animal behaviors and such. That time and place is usually when I'm absolutely alone which is a very rare moment. ^^;
I'd say, if you have anywhere secluded you can go besides your own home (like a patch of woods or even a personal vehicle), try using that for letting out more animalistic sounds and see how it feels.
Well, the car I use isn't mine but it's easier to come across than woods. Only "woodsy" area around here is mostly a public area (I guess not too many people around in the winter or early spring though...it's mostly in use during the summer). I can't say I haven't thought about going there though. I think I've only walked the actual trail through the woods maybe once but I can't say it's super secluded or anything but it's better than nothing. Plus walking through the woods themselves would actually be really good I think.
Holding unforgivness and bitterness for such a long time can cause all sorts of problems mentally and physically.
You trap yourself in your own prison.
I just have "parents/work" mode though as I'm unable to move out at the moment. ^^;