FA+
Shop
Oddball night
10 years ago
General
One more day in my life.
So... Mates and I had a fight. Pretty bad one. How bad? So bad I got Angry. Not upset, not really upset... actually mind-numbing angry, which makes this the fifth time this has ever happened in my life. How can I tell? I can't feel anything. When I get angry the odd thing is my emotions sort of go on overload and I loose the ability to feel anything for a while. Which in many ways is actually rather useful.
But I noticed my computer seems to be ENTIRELY too aware of my searches and preferences.
I start looking for things and it prioritizes for me. Porn and pictures of naked men, with pup play and pup gear a darn close second if not occasionally taking the lead and then mixed in at different places a ton of Origami, crafts and quilting stuff. I'm not sure what a stranger would do if they looked at such things over my shoulder. I imagine I come across as a poster child for a multiple personality case of some sort.
And now... Ice Cream.
But I noticed my computer seems to be ENTIRELY too aware of my searches and preferences.
I start looking for things and it prioritizes for me. Porn and pictures of naked men, with pup play and pup gear a darn close second if not occasionally taking the lead and then mixed in at different places a ton of Origami, crafts and quilting stuff. I'm not sure what a stranger would do if they looked at such things over my shoulder. I imagine I come across as a poster child for a multiple personality case of some sort.
And now... Ice Cream.
I'm sorry you had a fight with your mates though. Hope it wasn't too severe, they are bound to happen sometime. I suppose the emotional numbness could be useful. Keeps you from saying something you might regret later. I've heard lots of good things about you and your mates though and I get the feeling you work well together overall. *pats*
You have just described one of the two classic causes for depression; the mind automatically shutting down all emotional responses in order to prevent “overload” from rage.
The other cause is “emotional shutdown” in order to avoid dealing with guilt.
But sadly, most of us just sit in front of our computers 24/7/365 and just stew in our depression darkness and self-loathing.