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Just so you all know, I'm going insane [rant]
10 years ago
General
.......BEGIN TRANSMISSION.......
So, for the last two weeks now I have been backordered on my ADHD and depression meds. This has led me to using half dosages of my most important ones. This, despite how simple it seems, has had a devastating effect on my life. Here is how my day has gone so far:
I woke up at my usual time after getting a good nights rest. I took a shower, then took half dosages of my two medications for ADHD, and no meds for depression since those are completely out, and have been for the last week. I drove to get some breakfast for my friend and I, then picked him up from his house and drive us to campus. I had half an hour before class, and spent it playing a game or two of Magic with my friend. I then went to class. This class is my lecture for Physics 133, where we are currently learning about electromagnetic fields and the properties and math behind them. The first several minutes of class went fine, I asked a few questions, took notes, and generally felt pretty good.
Now, good thing to know about this professor is that he does not allow any kind of drinks, food, our even gum chewing on his claim because it "distracts him". For those of you familiar with ADHD, you'll know that repetitive actions, such as chewing gum, are very helpful in keeping the brain focused. The same goes for things like folding paper, squeezing a stress ball, etc. You also may know that caffeine is very effective in keeping the ADHD mind on task, as it stimulates bloodflow to the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for things like time management, prioritizing of responsibilities, and focusing on individual tasks.
Since i can neither chew gum nor drink my coffee in this class, I quickly became agitated. My notes devolved from being sensible and legible to scribbles and holes torn in the paper from pressing to hard with my pencil. For the remainder of the class i was disoriented, confused, barely able to focus on what was on the board or being said, and my entire body was warm, twitchy, and addled by the end of class.
I am currently sitting near the bookstore while i should be in my next class, because i have no confidence in my ability to focus in it. I am stressed beyond belief, and cannot foresee myself being able to focus on anything for basically the entire ready of the day.
Tl;dr college life is stressing me out beyond my control, i am out of meds completely by tomorrow, i work three days a week, go to classes five days a week, am suffering from my prescription amphetamine withdrawls, and somehow need to stay sane until my meds arrive.
All commissions are on permanent hold until further notice, and I feel like crying.
I woke up at my usual time after getting a good nights rest. I took a shower, then took half dosages of my two medications for ADHD, and no meds for depression since those are completely out, and have been for the last week. I drove to get some breakfast for my friend and I, then picked him up from his house and drive us to campus. I had half an hour before class, and spent it playing a game or two of Magic with my friend. I then went to class. This class is my lecture for Physics 133, where we are currently learning about electromagnetic fields and the properties and math behind them. The first several minutes of class went fine, I asked a few questions, took notes, and generally felt pretty good.
Now, good thing to know about this professor is that he does not allow any kind of drinks, food, our even gum chewing on his claim because it "distracts him". For those of you familiar with ADHD, you'll know that repetitive actions, such as chewing gum, are very helpful in keeping the brain focused. The same goes for things like folding paper, squeezing a stress ball, etc. You also may know that caffeine is very effective in keeping the ADHD mind on task, as it stimulates bloodflow to the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for things like time management, prioritizing of responsibilities, and focusing on individual tasks.
Since i can neither chew gum nor drink my coffee in this class, I quickly became agitated. My notes devolved from being sensible and legible to scribbles and holes torn in the paper from pressing to hard with my pencil. For the remainder of the class i was disoriented, confused, barely able to focus on what was on the board or being said, and my entire body was warm, twitchy, and addled by the end of class.
I am currently sitting near the bookstore while i should be in my next class, because i have no confidence in my ability to focus in it. I am stressed beyond belief, and cannot foresee myself being able to focus on anything for basically the entire ready of the day.
Tl;dr college life is stressing me out beyond my control, i am out of meds completely by tomorrow, i work three days a week, go to classes five days a week, am suffering from my prescription amphetamine withdrawls, and somehow need to stay sane until my meds arrive.
All commissions are on permanent hold until further notice, and I feel like crying.
1) Go to a craft store and pick up two nice round glass beads, some plastic pony beads, and a small length of some kind of string or paracord. Tie off the loose end in a square knot, then string them in a 'sandwich' with the bigger beads on both ends and the pony beads in the middle. Leave about an inch and a half of space (about half the total length of the strings when they're tight against the knot) and then tie it off again. Wha-blam, you've made worry beads! They're an easy fidget toy that most people won't look twice at (most people assume you're playing with a bracelet or prayer beads) and super cheap. If you want to buy some professionally, try these.
2) Instead of eating/chewing in class (which I can absolutely agree works WONDERS), get some kind of silicone jewelry to wear to class! You can find a ton of things at local baby shops, but Amazon has a huge selection - just search for teething jewelry. Most of it looks really discreet, like a normal pendant or bracelet, and it's all washable. Granted, it won't taste as good as gum, but it will stand up to consistent gnawing and keep your jaw busy to let you focus better.
3) I'm actually not sure it's legal for him to throw you out for having a drink in class unless it's alcoholic. Check with your school counselor and see what you can work out. If you're allowed to have water in class, bring water in a clear plastic bottle for a couple of days, then in an aluminum bottle for a week, then start putting iced coffee in your bottle instead of water. He'll probably check the first few days and then leave you alone about it, but it's better to be safe than sorry. (Maybe even keep two bottles in your bag just in case he asks to see it.)
4) When you feel yourself hitting that "wall" where you're no longer rational/in control, take a break. You're an adult in college; most professors don't care if you go to the bathroom without a word as long as you're not disruptive while leaving and don't do it ridiculously often. Quietly stand up, leaving your books on your desk, and leave the room for 3-5 minutes. Take a brisk walk, do some stretches, go outside and speak loudly at nobody into your phone, jump in your car and scream along to your favorite power-song...anything; just wake yourself up and grab the reins again. Then go back into class and use the energy and control gathered during that break to get through the rest of the lecture (or at least as long as you can).
5) Call your doctor and pharmacy; some places will give you a week or so's worth of meds if you have a standing script and a good reason why you haven't been in to obtain or fill a new one. Most health providers DO care. If they refuse, or quote you an obnoxious price, call your insurance and go through them. Your insurance actually has their own pharmacy and should be able to fill your prescriptions for you without relying on the stock of a Walmart or Rite Aid pharmacy, so make sure you know your options in order to avoid another dry spell. If the problem is financial, talk to your doctor and see what he or she can work out for you; often there's a cheaper option available that they can call and get you signed up for.
Above all, please take care of yourself. Try to set aside some time every day just to decompress and entertain yourself. If that means sitting in the shower with the lights off for half an hour, do it. If that means going to the local bookstore and treating yourself to a new novel, do it. The more you practice self-care, the more control you'll eventually gain over those dark places inside your brain that you can't seem to get the hang of.
Let me know if you need anything. I'm here to talk to anytime. :)