Throwing myself a pity party here!

If you were in my stream tonight, you may have noticed I was a little off.
That's because i was cry pretty much the entire stream. I listened practically non-stop to emotional, semi-depressing music, and just sang and cried. (I am so sorry for those who had the audio on!)

Here's the reason.
As MOST you know, I recently moved from Colorado to Texas. Very big change. I moved in with my dad, step mom, and baby sister. I just went from all the friends in the world around all the time who get me and hug and joke and are all completely open to- no friends, no physical contact with other people (my step mom doesn't like hugs, so I'm not really allowed to hug her), and having to keep all of my opinions to myself or get judged and called a freak.
Here are some other things that have changed:
-Food, my mom and I have never had a lot of money for food, or just things in general. There is SO MUCH FOOD IN THIS HOUSE!!!! Like I'm actually uncomfortable..... The pantry is fucking giant, and full of junk. There are 2, 2 refrigerators, the smaller one(which is a standard size I'm used to) out in the garage is full of alcohol, and the large one in the kitchen is full of everything else. There is also a deep freezer in the garage.

-Random unnecessary crap
I'm used to living very minimally, again, not a lot of money. What I have in my room, I tend to use all of it. While I have a lot of hobbies, I make sure to use everything. Today my step mom and I were out shopping, and we were in the baby toy isle (mistake #1). She picked up this weird little thing that you attach to the window, it's a dancing lion, that turns on when the baby shakes the rattle, and tells me how much she wants to get it for my baby sister, Harley. I point out that Harley tends to sleep in the car and is only interested in ONE TOY (Mistake #2). My step mom glares at me and proceeds to tell me that she wants it yada, yada yada, translation "I want to buy it, I'm trying to live through my baby, so I want to buy needless shit that she won't care about because it makes me feel like a better mom". I sigh and point out that it is $30 bucks, and we should hold off because Harley is getting sick and needs to sleep, she accepts this and puts it down.

-Burden
I constantly feel like a burden. Ever since I got here it's constant reminders of it. They were the ones who suggested to move down here, and said I was welcome. But all I've had since then is the feeling of not really being wanted. I've barely left my room for this reason, because literally, I don't want to take up space in any other part of the house. Every time I set up a project in another part of the house, I come back later, and it's all been moved, and piled up together. OR, if we are out and about, I get told "hey this place is hiring" everywhere we go. I've already talked about wanted to get driving before I start a new job, so they don't have to drive me, and I can work on getting other things sorted (things kinda fell through on my transfer, long story short, people are lazy).

-Opinions
My dad has told me straight out, keep your mouth shut, and your opinions to yourself. I'm not allowed to have a voice here. If I say something like "having things with milk will make you more sick", I get scoffed at, and then when I turn out right, she still claims it's not that. I'm not even going to expand on that, or I will start crying again. Let's just say it's not fun to hear people talk shit about anyone and everyone just because they can. I can say something positive about anyone, even if I hate them. But all that is sad about the people who pass in the street is negative. Example: I say she has a great singing voice, they comment about how fat and ugly she is, and that they would kill themselves if they looked like her.

-Embarrassed
I can't be myself. Not kidding. I get shushed, ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I strike up casual conversation with our waiter, I get told to stop being weird and be quiet. I sing in the mall, I get shushed, and told I'm being embarrassing. If I do something she finds abnormal.... and she makes this face, nothing upsets me more than this fucking face. It's the wide eyed, "what the fuck is wrong with you, oh god everyone is judging ME because I'm with you" face. I cannot describe how much this face upsets me (fyi I'm crying again). She does this when I'm hanging out with my friends, when I am talking to a person and don't act "perfect", when I voice any form of opinion, when I am encouraging my gecko, that I don't shave my legs daily.

-[u]Medically[/u}
I am undermined so much medically. I need metal therapy, dear god do I know it. But they pass it off as there is nothing wrong with me..... I need to start water therapy, and should be swimming regularly. I need to lose weight and eat healthy. But none of this is paid attention to. They seem to think it's all in my head, because you know, it's not like I don't have a neurosurgeon who has said all this repeatedly. I need to be adjusted weekly, and that is finally started after a month of not going (and man am I paying for it). I get told that I need to go to a dentist and have my teeth cleaned and fixed, but I'm not listened to when I say I need therapy.

Ok, I'm quitting writing this for now. I doubt any of you have made it this far, but if you have, I bet you are wondering why I haven't bitched much about my dad. Well the reason is, since I've moved here (a month on the 17th) I've spent a grand total of MAYBE 100 hours with him. He's always busy, so we don't talk much.
I love all of you wonderful fuzzbutts. You all are the reason I keep going every day, because I know at the end of the day, I will find love and hope here.