So i havent been on FA in the longest time, and i felt like i couldn't upload anything at all since...i think feburary?

anyways, i am fully alive. Stuff has happened that was bound to explode after a year in the works. To sum it up, family being their usual selves. Having to go through guilt trips and frustration on their part while i bottled it all up. With the money trouble of losing it quickly cause of janurary, thanks to amazon prime and any other subscription thing i had where they ask for the money till last minute, i finally got back to a stable flow. with the family troubles, well... the guilting and anger finally made me blow. So they made me break up with my Gf at the time....the week before our one year anniversary.....during spring break....yea.... i'd never forgive my family for being the way they are. Worse on how much they judged her and her whole family. And my best friend who is nothing but the nicest fuzzy being who managed to communicate with them and served them coffee....yet they still dont like her for a list of reasons.....

So i gave myself time to recover from it, and the only way i could get through the day from my family's antics was by playing games. So i spent the time playing on my ps4....a lot... Sure, the break up is still affecting me, i'm going through insomnia and momentary depressive spikes, but these things will be fixed on their own. The real damage was i couldnt get an urge to draw at all. What my family did had me just shut down my drawing urge. Something that helped me bring joy and happiness turned to shrugs and will do later's. I've tried sketching in the meantime and was even told to not do that in public areas.....when was drawing while waiting for food at a restaurant a rude thing to do?! i can understand playing your DS or psvitas with loud volume, or just using your phone all the time....but no, my aunt claimed drawing in my pocket notebook was not good table manners....

So there are stuff in other books ive worked on....and i've come to a conclusion.....i cant draw digitally without either a background reference or having a screen tablet. Recently [will be posted soon] i worked on a sketch for a friend. The kawaii chibi's ive been working on. It took me 10 minutes to get the sketch finished, ready to be inked and colored....It would have taken me 5 hours if it was digital. I think its mostly because of how my brain and hand thinks.

In theory: If i have a pencil at hand, my brain knows that i have limited use on erasing because paper can ware and tear with excesive erasings. So the lines and attempts must be close to flawless and true. It may look sketchy in the end, but once inked, the messiness will be gone and the paper will still be ok.
Where as with digital, fixing mistakes are endless.....so it would take me maybe 30 minutes to draw a good curved line, simply because i dont think its perfect" enough. I can try to make rought sketches and then use the ink tool.....but it ends up taking longer.

So yea, i may stick to traditional again, but will not throw away digital cause it is the best thing to use for printing anything. And can be fixed on the spot.

And lastly, school... I am about to finish my class next week and will have a week free. Trouble is....this year's courses will be hard. Most of the professors have a bad review or simply have really hard exams. while at the same time i have some easy ones too. In the end...i will not be graduating this year and will need next year to do so. So one more year with family before i can be an individual for once in my life!

I do want to apologize to everyone, i havent been around to talk or follow up. I would have thought the earlier journals would help when i mention, "Depending on how classes are, depends on how active ill be" That and thanks to a friend i might join in more often after i test something out on a certain site....otherwise i'll just ask directly to the site manager/ person who runs it.

Till the next update!!!