hey everyone, with a few exceptions, I haven't told any of you about the Innr-Selvs/My little pony crossover I was gonna write after I get further ahead with Innr-selvs, but here's a short little segment of it, please give me your honest opinion and critique, I really want this to turn out good

Chewy took a stroll down a path, keeping his head down and trying his best to hide the look of embarrassment on his face. The blue unicorn wasn't used to being away from home, so all the various ponies that were staring at his diaper-clad flank and the oversized rattle that he carried in his saddlebags made him feel very uncomfortable. A group of fillies giggled as they watched him go by, and he could've sworn that he'd heard somepony teasing him about his foalish appearance. He started to move a little more quickly, keeping his head down and his eyes closed, trying his best to pretend that he was all alone right now. He didn't look where he was going, and he bumped right into the flank of a yellow Pegasus with pink mane and tail, and pink butterflies for her cutie mark. The yellow Pegasus squeaked with surprise as the unicorn immediately fell back on his diapered rear; it was it, nopony could ignore him now. "Oh, excuse me! I'm sorry! I'm so clumsy, I didn't mean to do it!" the unicorn stammered, starting to hyperventilate. He kept his eyes shut and held his forehooves out in front of him. The yellow Pegasus poked her head out from within a bush that she'd ran into for cover, and was surprised to see the overgrown foal quivering with fright. The yellow Pegasus looked at the unicorn curiously, she'd never seen anypony quite like him before.

just to give you a heads-up, this is not a romance story, again, please leave feedback for me, I would appreciate it ^^