I'm so lonely, and there isn't anything I can do about it.

So here's the deal. I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now, and we've been living together for 3 and a half of those years. I'm used to him being around. On top of that I'm clingy and needy.

Now he works in the mines hours away from where I am, and I can only really talk to him between the hours of 7-10pm. He's gone for 4 weeks at a time, then he comes back home for 2 weeks before leaving again. This time he's gone for 5 weeks to get back on his regular rotation, then back for two.

I'm just so tired.
I'm tired of the leaving.
I'm tired of saying good bye.

The loneliness is beginning to eat at me. Sometimes I lay in bed and think... "When are you coming home for good"? The answer? It'll be years. Years of goodbyes. Years of trying to fill both sides of our bed. Years of hugging your pillow just wishing that it were you.

I'm tired.
I'm tired and I need you.

I'm tired of being optimistic. That this is for the better. That the money will give us so many options. I'm so tired of smiling and pretending that I'm not lonely, that I'm strong and can stand alone. I need to fall. I don't know how long I can go before I crumble.

This isn't a lonely friends and family can fix. This is a blackness. A void. It's that feeling that I remember at the lowest point in my life. The loneliness is consuming me.

I just want you to come home.
I miss you.