For almost a week now I've been trying to keep my composure. But I'm failing miserably. So if I now appear distant to those I love... or appear to have split personality disorder or go into sudden fits of rage or emotional instability, it's for this reason.

Last Thursday I took my dog to the vet for a rabies shot. That was fine, but the vet did a standard exam and felt a "small" lump near one of her tits that he said he was concerned about and wanted to do a smear to send out for testing. The results came back as cancer. My dog has breast cancer. So now appointment has been made to have surgery done this coming Thursday to have it removed. But he also wants to do a chest ex-ray while she is sedated to make sure it has not spread to her lungs. If it has NOT, then this surgery has a good chance of going well. But if it HAS spread to her lungs then... it's all over. All I can do then is take her home and keep her happy until she starts to suffer the effects and then put her down.

I can't take this not knowing. I have to worry to the point of loosing my mind for another 4 days and I don't know if I can handle it.