FA+
Shop
Can I rent for a hot moment? About life, friends, that jazz
10 years ago
I'm wondering what on earth you're expected to do when every person you've tried to call a friend just ends up either using, abusing, or throwing you out like the morning trash. I do so much for people, I take time to listen, to give advice, hell I even lend money, or give things away.
DO you ever just not feel good enough? Not good enough at this, or that, or pretty much everything?
I've been trying very, very hard to remain positive, you know...not think about that deep down feeling of loneliness, anger, and nearly resentment at the many, many people you've let into your life and tried to be friends with, which ultimately failed...because of nothing. Or if there was nothing, it certainly isn't divulged to me. And even if it wasn't told to me, it obviously wasnt that big of a deal or else I would have noticed it myself. Granted, I've made mistakes in the past as a person, we all do, but I like to consider myself pretty aware of the needs of others- at least, definitely over my own.
And really I know I'm not doing anything really wrong, maybe I'm simply not anyone's cup of tea? Sometimes I feel as if I'm only my own cup of tea. .__.
I'm so incredibly tired of being used and or forgotten, not good enough to remember to talk to, or bother to text, or hey, even bother to keep up plans...etc. Consistantly for the last month everyone who has made plans with me has literally flaked out on me without even bothering to tell me. Ouch. Literally leave me hanging.
Of course it then comes down to: I need to take care of myself and cut out the people who make me feel negative.But what if...that's nearly everyone? What do you do then? That's like cutting off all your fingers and toes and expecting to be able to function normally like everyone else. I've rarely had positive people in my life, so of course those that I do have I'll keep....but there really isn't much left.
SO what do you do then? I'm a pretty socially awkward 21 year old. What makes it worse is living in a small city. My natural sitting bitch face probably doesn't help either.
Idk. *shuffles feet* I dont really have anyone here either(Except one irl friend), but figured this is the only site I use other than Skype really and facebook. Both places which I cannot write a journal. )8
So sorry for anyone who did bother to take the time to read this, and if you did, then KUDOS. And thank you.
I was really excited to get back online to do artwork and maybe, just maybe, talk to some people. But it reminds me how soulness the internet really can be, and how demoralizing it is to you when you don't even notice. I left a couple websites last year due to that.
Anyways, feel free to comment with thoughts, etc. whatever, if anyone has indeed read this.
Have a good HUMP DAY.
DO you ever just not feel good enough? Not good enough at this, or that, or pretty much everything?
I've been trying very, very hard to remain positive, you know...not think about that deep down feeling of loneliness, anger, and nearly resentment at the many, many people you've let into your life and tried to be friends with, which ultimately failed...because of nothing. Or if there was nothing, it certainly isn't divulged to me. And even if it wasn't told to me, it obviously wasnt that big of a deal or else I would have noticed it myself. Granted, I've made mistakes in the past as a person, we all do, but I like to consider myself pretty aware of the needs of others- at least, definitely over my own.
And really I know I'm not doing anything really wrong, maybe I'm simply not anyone's cup of tea? Sometimes I feel as if I'm only my own cup of tea. .__.
I'm so incredibly tired of being used and or forgotten, not good enough to remember to talk to, or bother to text, or hey, even bother to keep up plans...etc. Consistantly for the last month everyone who has made plans with me has literally flaked out on me without even bothering to tell me. Ouch. Literally leave me hanging.
Of course it then comes down to: I need to take care of myself and cut out the people who make me feel negative.But what if...that's nearly everyone? What do you do then? That's like cutting off all your fingers and toes and expecting to be able to function normally like everyone else. I've rarely had positive people in my life, so of course those that I do have I'll keep....but there really isn't much left.
SO what do you do then? I'm a pretty socially awkward 21 year old. What makes it worse is living in a small city. My natural sitting bitch face probably doesn't help either.
Idk. *shuffles feet* I dont really have anyone here either(Except one irl friend), but figured this is the only site I use other than Skype really and facebook. Both places which I cannot write a journal. )8
So sorry for anyone who did bother to take the time to read this, and if you did, then KUDOS. And thank you.
I was really excited to get back online to do artwork and maybe, just maybe, talk to some people. But it reminds me how soulness the internet really can be, and how demoralizing it is to you when you don't even notice. I left a couple websites last year due to that.
Anyways, feel free to comment with thoughts, etc. whatever, if anyone has indeed read this.
Have a good HUMP DAY.
I am 25 going on 26 with anxiety and I know how you feel. Being used and whatnot in accordance to friendships and find it hard myself to let go of negative people but there's something nagging in the back of my mind that says if I literally let go of a lot of people, I may just have less than a handful left. Hell I have a few irl friendships, each one different and the one I call my best friend I can't even have an emotional relationship. It's hard trusting people and worse the cycle of abuse and whatnot constantly being repeated.
The internet does sometimes make you realize how selfish and inhumane humans can be as a whole, granted not everyone isn't like this. It just takes running into the right people to change your mind, which is far and few between when it's hard to tell whose being genuine.
My advice or what have you is to take some time for yourself. Evaluate all your friendships and honestly think would your life be better or worse without them. If it does you more harm then good, slowly get rid of those people or distance yourself a bit. Like still talk to them but don't be as open as you once were. I know that may sound fucked up or selfish but speaking as someone whose always made time for someone but getting the shit end of the stick, in the long run, it's slowly helping me realize whom I can trust and I don't feel as stressed/depressed and down as I once was when I let these friendships take up my whole being if that makes sense.
Much luck to you.
You're fortunate to have one though, I dont really have "irl" friends either honestly. I have a friend from HS I see during the summer sometimes, she's the only one who has ever bothered to be decent to me for any length of time. Plus she doesn't annoy me like other people because she isn't a douche like others. lmfao Sassy, yes, douche, no.
Your advice is what I've done, cut certain people out/pay attention to how I let them interact. I've started to stand up for myself, etc. But it's really hard to do that when you don't really have anyone good to return to to talk about said actions with, you know?
And I've always been alone really, that's the reason not having shitting friends would be awfully nice. Someone to just talk to, unload to, listen to, hang with, perhaps cause trouble with. Just having someone you know has your back, but I don't have that so it's like trying to have your own back, and twisting around like a dog trying to chase its tail.
Instead I sit in my apartment everyday wondering what other people are doing, and how nice it would be if I were out doing something. People then say, "well, you can do things alone." "Really? Really now." I've done alone my entire life, and going to the movie theaters or out to eat is not only extremely awkward but incredibly depressing.
I hate being cynical, but it's what I revert to when I'm hurt. )8
Ahh, thank you very much for taking the time to make a comment, it means a lot! My cynical comments weren't towards you or anything xD
No need to be sorry about being cynical, I understand where it's coming from
Yeah, haha, I joke when I'm upset and cynical that I'm as cynical as an immortal god xD LMFAO considering they'd be hella cynical if they lived forever- talk about trying to find things to do.
I think the Internet is a hasher place than family and community in a lot of ways. Anonymity can bring out the worst in people.
I think I am not the personality I would have been had I not been so traumatized when I was in elementary/middle school. The world of humankind changed me -- it does that. But I became comfortable with who I became and now I can say I'm quite happy with who I am -- still rather a loner, and I have a somewhat unusual approach to friendships. I never let go of trying to always do right by others and allowing myself to trust people even expecting they will probably not honor that trust.
My point, if I have one, is that the world deals blow after blow, and it hurts, that's true. But you can rise above it and still shine and find peace, though that can take time to achieve. Just be sure in the process that you don't let the world ruin the best part of you.
Shine on, Coyote!
In reference to going out and doing things alone like was mentioned above, yes that can totally be depressing. But if there is one thing about it that rocks, is you can go get yourself a ton of pizzas and no one will ever know you aren't sharing!!! It's the perfect plan for pizza domination. My goal is to one day order the King Kong Mega Pizza from a local shop here and eat it allllll by myself lol. #lifegoals #leftovers
A comedy sketch I love actually did a skit about it lol: http://youtu.be/fcbj8BBsWSA
//End dark humor and begin serious comment
It's good you're taking a balanced look at things. Yes it's smart to cut out negative influences and friendships but it's also not good to just cut everyone off at the same time. Isolation isn't good. Even if you have one person you can count on, that's important. And one positive person is sometimes all you need!
The internet does bring out the scum of the earth out from under their rocks, but it also allows opportunities for great people to shine. It can hard to connect with people when you're shy or have anxiety, but the internet can help you connect to communities or hobbies to expand your circles So deep breath, people suck; it's not you. It's never too late to make new friends or find some awesome twisted people ;) you just have to sort through some crap to find the gems!
As someone who was in an abusive relationship and cut off most of my support networks, I can tell you it does take some time to rebuild confidence and get some friend tentacles back out, there is nothing wrong with being picky about who you choose to associate with, and there will always be somebody out there who will get along with you even if it takes some time to get there
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
Seriously lady, there are an awful lot of bad people in this world. You've just managed to come across all of them at once. Soon you're going to find some great people in your life who truly appreciate you and everything that you are.
Stay positive, captain. You are an incredibly engaging lass with many talents. Those around you will eventually open their eyes to that!