So here we go. I'm going to try to sensibly get this off my chest for you, the general public here on FA. If you haven't taken a minute to read the journal entry called "The Rhythm is Calling You", posted by my mate then I suggest you do that right now, before continuing with my journal entry, as I will be referring to it a lot.

...

So yes. To start things off on a happy note. I spent my spring break with my tiger, which I'm sure most of you are aware of. Oh god. He means the world and more to me. Just being around him makes my own problems grayed out. Just to be by his side and walking around with him is enough to warm me inside. I loved every minute I spent with him; eating at the Cheesecake Factory, walking around the plaza with our cameras, wandering the park at sunset, holding paw in paw, cuddling up at night, safe and sound in your arms... It was a tiny slice of heaven, a preview to the world that awaits us. And silly you. You know that I don't like things being spent on me. I'm not very materialistic. As long as I have you by my side, a camera in my paws, and my trusty laptop in my backpack I could be broke for all I care. I'd still find a way to make you happy. You really are the only fur for me. I wouldn't trade you for anyone else or any amount of monetary currency on Earth. I know I've said that before but I want you to know that I mean it every time I say it.

You asked me what my favorite part was of this last week and I told you I didn't have a favorite part... I lied. Thinking back on it now I have to say that my favorite part wasn't being out and about with our cameras, or the weather, or even hanging out with you and your friends. No, my favorite part was just lying in bed, with your arms wrapped around me, and your soft warm breath down the back of my neck. Just lying there together made me savor life. It made me treasure you even more. It made me feel as though I actually belonged in this world, as if to say that Zero is not a total hopless failure. Just feeling the warmth of your presence there was soothing and comforting to me. I didn't want the night to end when I was safe in your arms. Oh god... I'm tearing up now. Tissue break...

I guess I'll share my side of life. As you know, after reading the descriptions in a submission in my gallery called "Reflections", I'm a wreck right now. I dropped out of college with no one to blame for myself, so please don't say sorry. It was my decision in any case. Why? Some people have asked me this and I've told them but they don't seem to understand. Why? I dropped out because the class room setting is not where I belong. Photography, as it is an art form and has standards and expectation, is also about expression. I know a lot about photoraphy as it is and I find that I learn more by just going out and doing it, rather than sit in a classroom and learn the fundamentals. Now I know this is arrogant of me to think that I'm omni-knowing but for now, I'm going to avoid school. Perhaps start again at a community college near... whereever I end up. That brings me to point number two. Employment. The economy is total crap right now, can you agree? I've been trying to get a job for a while now and it's just been falling through. I don't know if it's my luck or people just don't like me. In any case, I'm jobless. I'm also sort of broke. I'm living off of around $600, which will probably be sucked away by my parents... :/ And on top of this all my parents are talking of eviction, having deemed me a liability to the family and that it would serve them best if I wasn't there. And I can live with that. I mean who wouldn't want me gone if all I did was cause problems. Besides. I don't want to live with people who underappreciate me for what I am, what I bring, and what I can do.

Now the big question is... what are you going to do with your life? Many people have asked me this... I myself have asked me this... and right now... job hunt. I can live around the cities for a while. Post up in friends houses for a bit and work. Gain a little income and then with some of that money, I want to travel. I want to make my way out to the west coast where I can do some freelance photography. But who knows, I may end up traveling south and helping Tiger and his family. Just where life takes me. I just don't want to be north anymore. It's a plague to me. The snow... oh how I love it... but for extended periods of time... and a lifetime of growing up here... I'm ready to say goodbye, for now. I know Tiger loves the snow so maybe we can get a place north but not too far north... though I wouldn't mind the north shore, as long as I have my Tiger with me.

Now I know being a free lance photographer is a mighty tall order and it's going to take a while for my name to get out there so I'm starting small. I've decided to open up an ebay account and pawn off some of my unneeded shit ranging from original Magic the Gathering cards to recent, original, printed, signed, and framed artwork by yours truly. I was also planning on talking to my local coffee shop and see if I can get my artwork up there as well. Small steps. I'll let you all know how this Ebay account works out. Hopefully, I don't need a permanent address and can keep editing my profile if I move around. I was talking to a friend here in the Twin Cities who was convinced that this whole phase is just depression talking to me through my decisions and rash actions, not to mentioned accompanied with poor judgement. But you know... if I have a plan, it feels solid enough, then I'll risk it. If all else fails, I'll be here... or there... somewhere.

Hmmm... hold on. Okay. My next order of business. What am I going to do if I ever make it out to the west coast? I actually have a few connections out there but not a whole lot but I will let you know if I'm in the area. I'll try to keep an updated journal when I embark. As for my Tiger, I understand your current financial situation so I'm going to send you a gift to help you with your expenses. You know I really don't like you spending on me and even though you grab the tab before me doesn't mean you can't ask me for help. Sheesh. So I hope it helps a little. I know it may not be much but it's the most I can afford for you at the moment. I will try my best to be self sufficient so that you don't need to worry about me. You have plenty of things on your plate... and I totally understand, you graduating and still unsure of what life has in store for you. Perhaps that's the difference between us... you don't know what you want to do once life grants you your freedom... I have an idea of what I want to do I just don't have the freedom just yet. Tis a silly situation. You're better prepared for life than I am, I'll give you that. You'll have a college degree and I'm a labeled college dropout, a liabilitiy to any corporation... yay for minimal wage jobs. No. I won't waste away my life by working at a dead end job, flipping burgers or working the street corners. :/ I have morals and I still have my dignity and self-respect.

Hun. I'm sure you'll do fine. Afterall you have Tanith with you. An awesome co-partner in crime. You also have a lot of excellent friends and such a supportive family that I don't think you'll be down for too long. I know. The economy sucks... but you'll find a job. You're a bright and intelligent kitty and you have me to encourage you all the way... and even though I may not be there physically you always have me by your side, nudging you along. <3

Thank you for telling me about your problems, even if it was a little indirect. I'd rather be there with you, in the loop, and experiencing your hardships rather than on the outside, looking in, and then to see you all of a sudden fall. I want to be with you through it all. Because it's one thing to fall by yourself; alone and in the dark... and it's another to fall with someone who will always be there for you; when it seems lighter and through that someone there is hope. Hun. You were the first person outside my immediate family I told about my situation. I trust you. I want you to know. I don't want you to be in the dark about my life. And even though you are also having troubles, even though you're first journal entry was depressing and dark, I want you to know that it doesn't change your image to me. To me... you'll always be my strong, supportive, and totally rawrsome Tiger. Capable of the impossible. Strong enough to support billions of stars even if they start falling. You're like my super hero. And yes... even the strongest need support now and then. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to support you through your hardships and still manage my own. I'm not a pup anymore. Sorry mum and dad... I can't... no... I don't want to be your poster child any more. Let my sister have the glory. I'm done with you guys.

I guess I should wrap this up. I don't want to take too much of your time. We'll just see where life takes me. And I'll try to keep an interesting gallery. I don't ever plan to stop taking photographs. That's what I do. That's what keeps me sane, second to my mate and music. When I have free time, I'm going to try to set up my own website to host my works and perhaps get a few commissions. We'll see. I'll be around. If you want to keep in touch my email is z.husky@yahoo.com. I may not have a computer for a while but my phone can still get emails and I can still send them out. Don't hesitate to email. I love new friends and connections. No I'm not a freeloader. I work hard to earn my keep, it's a pride issue I have. Anyway. Time to get along with my day... and, to do what my mate did for you, I'm going to leave you with some memorable lyrics just for kicks. ;D

"Say you need me with you, here beside you,
any where you go let me go too,
[Kevin] that's all I ask of you..."
~ Phantom of the Opera

This is for you too Aaron and Apryl, who goes by here on FA. This was Aaron's favorite part to sing, if you don't know Aaron he's featured in my submission entitled "Motion of Life" and I bet Tiger and Apryl will tell you about him. I'm going to miss you two very much. I don't know when I'll see you next...

Catch you on the flip side.
~ Zero

[ T I G E R ]
I love you with all that I am... every fiber in my body, every neuron, tells me that you are the one fur for me. These past 7 months have been magical... as if I were floating on cloud nine. I really can't believe I met someone as awesome and caring, and loving as you. I'm truly blessed to have you in my life, and even more lucky to be able to confide in you and be able to call you my mate... my one... my only... forever. You're the one that I want to wake up to. You're the one I want to sleep with, wrapped up tightly in your arms. I'm sorry I'm not a better husky for you. I will try. You're worth all that I can give and more. Please don't let me stop you from doing what you need to. Just do it and I'll support you 110%... and more. <3 And now look at me... in tears again. Well they're happy tears for now. :: cries softly into your fur :: I love you...