I found out three days ago that my mom has developed cancer...so far everyone who's died on her side of the family died of cancer, I'm getting worried. I'm also scared because my sexuality is such a big secret that no one knows the real me.....everyday I wake up and plaster a smile to my face. I act happy the entire day.....but, it's hard.....I've been thinking about my life too much....I just....my only true friend is drifting from me.....my sister is my only person I can trust....if I cry I will get into trouble....I've felt with this for so many years that I ignore my feelings, I no longer have dreams, only nightmares. Everyone is the same thing. My day never changes, I finally decided to talk about it here....I just, I want to be Normal....I hate myself in all truth....I'm not the person everyone thinks I am....I'm just a faluire hiding in the shadows trying to fake my way through life. I ignore reality and only allow myself to think as a charactor in a show in watching or a book I'm reading....I like those worlds more than this one...







I just want to go someplace safe.....