Apparently I can't even land an entry-level job stocking/cleaning ambulances. It took two years of sending in applications for that fucking job before I finally got an interview, and despite the fact they're supposedly really short-staffed and it requires no special training, apparently I'm still not good enough for it. Not even good enough to warrant a phone call saying no -- they sent me an email on Friday that I didn't even see until tonight. I really don't feel like I'm valued. At this point I'll be extremely surprised if I advance at all. I've tried to hold on and keep attempting to move up, but it's never gotten me anywhere, and meanwhile coworkers are still managing to advance. The training I went through is going completely to waste since all I ever get to do in my current position is give out Band-Aids and Tylenol.

I'm also really unhappy since it means I'm still stuck in that godforsaken Sears job that now gives me so few hours a week I'd seriously make twice as much money going back to selling blood plasma instead. That and I'm sick of being treated like a jerk-off high school kid who can't be trusted with anything. I applied for a job at CarMax just so I can justify leaving.

I've decided that no matter what the outcome, I'm going to try to get into the community college's firefighting program. My desire to help people is still strong, but I feel less confident than ever in my future here. Being stuck in what is essentially a glorified first aid position when I've trained to do so much more is really frustrating -- at least going into firefighting my training would be put to use at least a little. Maybe in the future I can move somewhere else and try ambulance work again.

I'm so tired of feeling stuck and like I'm not good enough. I'm tired of my life consisting of sleeping and using the internet and occasionally going to work. I don't even talk to anyone any more for the most part. I feel like such a fucking loser.

I can't wait for BLFC. I need an escape from reality for a few days... :/