You are far from useless.. Ever since I originally met you I was in awe of your artistic talents.. You have a wonderful gift.. You are a wonderful and incredible artist and an equally wonderful and incredible person... Your teachers are wrong... you did amount to something.. a talented artist, and a wonderful fur friend who is caring and compassionate towards others and uses your artistic talents to make others happy.

Thanks, I guess its always hardest to look inwards on ones self. This makes me feel better in some ways. <:

Anytime! I know for a fact that you make others very happy though because I've heard lots of positive comments about your artwork at FE! So - don't get discouraged.. keep doing what you're doing - you are a very talented person! Continue to focus on that talent and don't listen to your teachers.. my teachers told me the same thing.. (Actually they said I'd be 'digging ditches' my whole life) It's just stupid things teachers say..

Do what your heart tells you to do.. follow it. Honestly.. I can't think of a more noble profession than using artistic talents to bring happiness and joy to others.

*quiet hugs* I often feel like this myself, but then the next day I wake up and feel much better. Maybe yoo need sleep...or if you ever wanna just chat feel free to drop me a note. you're not useless but sometimes our brain just fixates on our own negative thoughts about ourselves and we cant get away from them. you're awesome

Oh Gosh Star, you where right!

I grabbed my favorite plushi Arcenic,
My extra soft Blankie,
and I snuggled them extra hard and went to bed.

They must have like, Grabbed some tools while i was asleep and fixed things up, i feel much better
still a little bit bothering me, but Sleep tore my attention away from whatever it is that's bringing me down.

First of all, please do not trust your feelings right now. It seems that they might be effected by some problem which should be fixed. Second, it might be wise to discuss your feelings with your family doctor and ask for her (or his) opinion. Your doctor might refer you to a specialist. However, just talking about it with a professional MD might help.

As for being less valuable than a rag, this is what I mean about not trusting your feelings for now. If nothing else, you are an artist -- a cartoonist, an eroticist, a colourist and very skilled at all of the above. You say that you've had people around you who cared, who wanted you to care about them. Were all of them mistaken? It doesn't seem likely. Your care, your attention, your presence, in short your friendship must be worth something, or else nobody would want it. If you feel otherwise, then your feelings must be suspect. (This is why I'm trying to approach your dilemma with reason rather than emotion.)

I want to suggest that the reason you are not in touch with your old friends and possibly lacking in current friends is that you (incorrectly) feel unlovable, unworthy, etc. You therefore avoid them. But again, your feelings might be unreliable just now. Your old friends might be looking for you, new friends waiting to be welcomed and you simply unable to see that because of this emotional disturbance.

This is why I believe that you should discuss the problem with a doctor, because this emotional disturbance might be medical in nature. If so, it would probably respond to medical treatment. And there are several to try!

As for the kids in school, however, I wouldn't put much stock in what they say. School kids are trolls, one and all of them. Hurting each other is their greatest delight. (The only reason I didn't search out and destroy my classmates' feelings as a kid was that nobody listened to me or cared. ...which might be just as well, now I think of it. I'd hate as a grown-up to have a typical school kid's crimes on my conscience.) Not only did they not really think that you should have tried harder to kill yourself, they were barely thinking at all, they just said it because they could. Oh, and your high school teachers; Trey Parker's and Matt Stone's teachers consigned them to the gas station in grade nine, they went on to create South Park. High school teachers know dick about their students and care even less!

Seeking professional help has been on my list for a long time, but with moving all over the place all the time, and difficulties keeping a job down I haven't had as much time to look for or even pay for help.

Approaching with logic is very helpful, I suppose I don't think clearly when I'm upset, everyone chooses to be my friend because I have a value as a friend <: (If I understood that right.) So I cant have no Value .

Not thinking clearly is a characteristic of being upset. For myself, I do think of you as a friend and I believe that I get something valuable out of it. Actually, even a journal like this, (which some might think whiny), I see as an opportunity to be helpful. I admire the trust you have in your friends, (and me), that we will be supportive in this time of need and not trollish. Thank you for your trust and for letting me help. I hope that I will be able to give you further support.

Should I take it that the Affordable Care Act does not cover psychological services? Although I can see how moving frequently would make even affordability a null issue; you just get started with one pshrink in one place and you have to find another somewhere else. But maybe there's a pshrink who does sessions on Skype or something?

If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you :)

Thanks Tho, I hope I can get out to another con sometime soon!

The world has a habit of making someone feel worthless, I'm fairly used to feeling numb inside all the time from my own history and past. People telling me I can't be a woman, People telling me I'm just a tall freak, all sorts of negative things here and there. eventually it just kinda leaves you bruised in ways you can't really understand and it also leaves your mind poisoned with doubts, self loathing and a few other psychological scars.

expanding on what Dotter said, seeing a doctor is a good idea, I would also recommend group therapy or just 1-on-1 counseling. Theres no shame in asking for help, regardless of what society thinks in the first place.

From the sounds of it, you could use the support you're asking for and I offer you the entire wares of my empathy and kindness. Just try to smile, even a little bit ^^;

-A very squishy plushie dustoxin hugs you- Thank you.

aww*hugs* i'm always here if you need someone to talk to.
if we lived closer we could totally hang out more too.

-gives you a super duper tight hugtastic hug-

I wish that very much.

I barely know you, but I like you!

You have me on skype if you ever need someone to talk to. ^^

Your nice too ^_^

Are you still in the KW area? been thinking about figuring out a doodle session get together, but I don't remember who's still in the area at all.

Not anymore saddly ):

I'm living in goderich now. A doodle/productifity session would be rad though.

o.o what prompted the move? :O you should take nuka's room at pyrex's place when he moves out in august ;) do you get into kw often?

Bitty and I split ways so I moved out and back in with family, Sadly I don't get in very often ):

I did consider asking about Nuka's room but I'm looking at Fanshawe for September now.

In london, eh? booo london is far and boring! :P looking at a particular program?

Fine art foundations, I don't have the credits to apply for University.

fair enough! though i think conestoga also has a "fine arts" course -- I'll have to look into it again to be sure ;)