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Overly Dramatic, Overly Corny Birthday Journal
10 years ago
Yep, 27 years ago, a little mouse was born in a city hospital. My birthday is not actually today but happened within the last few days. Don't worry and don't feel bad that you didn't say "Happy Birthday". I have had a good few days of fun so I'm very satisfied, and I'm not the type that feels like every birthday needs to be the best day of the year for me and that everything needs to happen just right. Really it is just another day. Every day is your birthday. Every day you wake up upon the blessings of our mother the earth who gives you gifts. Every day you wake up with the Creator who blessed you with the gift of life, and gave you yet another day. So if you get gifts every day of your life, would it not then be your birthday everyday?
This past weekend was spent at Harvard University Pow Wow where I spent the day singing with my buddies on our drum group, providing the music for the many dancers in regalia. The weather was absolutely perfect, and we could not asked for a better time. I also got to enjoy the best Vietnamese food I have had since I moved to Boston which was exactly what I was hoping for. Even my friends could tell that was the most I enjoyed food in a long time. I ended up being given two cakes, which is so bad, so much sweets, but I enjoyed some slices nonetheless.
What was something maybe unusual I did on my birthday. Well, I was at a park with a friend and we spent some time cleaning it out. It was actually pretty awful to see how people just dump their things right on the earth that provided for them. It took no more than 10 minutes to clean the area out. It is a reminder to me that this society sees itself above the earth, a tool to use as they see fit. That is not what the earth is. The sooner we can learn to respect and love the earth, the sooner we can have a better environment, and even a more balanced world in many aspects.
Throughout the day, I had moments where I missed home again. I did have a great time, but at moments, I just wished I could be home, and it was rough but I took consolation in the fact I will be home soon. Unfortunately, some traumatic memories came back to me as well, while I was out with friends, and I had to hold in my emotions. I ended up being alright, and as I have said before, I do not expect my birthday to somehow be that perfect one day in the year. That being said, I did not get the worst of it. My friend actually had his PTSD really badly triggered. To put it in perspective, I struggle emotionally and psychologically with a lot of things that happened to me in my past, and these things still creep up on me and make me feel a lot of emotional pain to this day; but my friend has this times 10! I am actually glad I was there when he had been triggered, because I was able to hold him in my arms when he was crying in horror. While it was a bad experience, for the both of us, I counted this as a blessing that I have a friend like him. That is what we do, we realize how blessed we are, and we are happy together in our families and friendships.
As always, I reflected about where I am in my life, and all that I've done to get here, all the things that I lived through and how it has shaped who I am today. I see it as a positive sign that my past, while I still remember it, is haunting me and hurting me less, and all the meanwhile I can acknowledge that these things happened, rather than avoid them like I used to do. I can look at them and see that they shaped my life, that they made me stronger, unstoppable even. It doesn't mean that I don't still get bad episodes where I have horrible panic attacks and bad depression, but lately I have been much more in control. I am becoming the woman I want to be. I have come such a long way from the person I was. I have been traveling so much, to so many states, and traveling to even more states this summer.
What a better way to experience a birthday, than to be able to say, I can see before my eyes that I am blessed, and that I have grown, and that I have what I need to help those around me. I do not need a "perfect" day on my birthday for me to feel that my birthday is great. Remember though that your birthday is everyday, and that you are getting gifts everyday. Remember to say thanks for those gifts every day!
This past weekend was spent at Harvard University Pow Wow where I spent the day singing with my buddies on our drum group, providing the music for the many dancers in regalia. The weather was absolutely perfect, and we could not asked for a better time. I also got to enjoy the best Vietnamese food I have had since I moved to Boston which was exactly what I was hoping for. Even my friends could tell that was the most I enjoyed food in a long time. I ended up being given two cakes, which is so bad, so much sweets, but I enjoyed some slices nonetheless.
What was something maybe unusual I did on my birthday. Well, I was at a park with a friend and we spent some time cleaning it out. It was actually pretty awful to see how people just dump their things right on the earth that provided for them. It took no more than 10 minutes to clean the area out. It is a reminder to me that this society sees itself above the earth, a tool to use as they see fit. That is not what the earth is. The sooner we can learn to respect and love the earth, the sooner we can have a better environment, and even a more balanced world in many aspects.
Throughout the day, I had moments where I missed home again. I did have a great time, but at moments, I just wished I could be home, and it was rough but I took consolation in the fact I will be home soon. Unfortunately, some traumatic memories came back to me as well, while I was out with friends, and I had to hold in my emotions. I ended up being alright, and as I have said before, I do not expect my birthday to somehow be that perfect one day in the year. That being said, I did not get the worst of it. My friend actually had his PTSD really badly triggered. To put it in perspective, I struggle emotionally and psychologically with a lot of things that happened to me in my past, and these things still creep up on me and make me feel a lot of emotional pain to this day; but my friend has this times 10! I am actually glad I was there when he had been triggered, because I was able to hold him in my arms when he was crying in horror. While it was a bad experience, for the both of us, I counted this as a blessing that I have a friend like him. That is what we do, we realize how blessed we are, and we are happy together in our families and friendships.
As always, I reflected about where I am in my life, and all that I've done to get here, all the things that I lived through and how it has shaped who I am today. I see it as a positive sign that my past, while I still remember it, is haunting me and hurting me less, and all the meanwhile I can acknowledge that these things happened, rather than avoid them like I used to do. I can look at them and see that they shaped my life, that they made me stronger, unstoppable even. It doesn't mean that I don't still get bad episodes where I have horrible panic attacks and bad depression, but lately I have been much more in control. I am becoming the woman I want to be. I have come such a long way from the person I was. I have been traveling so much, to so many states, and traveling to even more states this summer.
What a better way to experience a birthday, than to be able to say, I can see before my eyes that I am blessed, and that I have grown, and that I have what I need to help those around me. I do not need a "perfect" day on my birthday for me to feel that my birthday is great. Remember though that your birthday is everyday, and that you are getting gifts everyday. Remember to say thanks for those gifts every day!
...also, menwikenwê êhtêpeshkamani nîhkâna!
you've done more in your 27 years then i've done in my entire 66. i wish you the continued enjoyment and gratification of living,
and being part of every good thing that may continue to evolve, wherever you happen to be, when it does.