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Subnormal Quotations
10 years ago
General
We worked harder than we thought possible because we had finally found a place filled with adults where things are taken seriously and we put everything we had into it and you have died anyway, and you are gone and you will be buried at the side of the road and the rest of us will continue on with the adventure. And I ask about this, and I ask myself, and they and I tell me that it is the price of creating things because when nothing is ventured nothing is gained, but we leave out the part where we cannot see what is being ventured.
Fuck, I dunno. The fuckin' speech is always about having the courage to break free of conformity and be yourself or whatever. I got no problem being myself -- the real issue is how do you break free of hating existence once it's become clear that who you've courageously become is unlikely to pay the rent.
Yeah. It's just like... you have this image of yourself that you've built since you were a kid, like I can still remember word-for-word stuff you told me when I was like five, and it all just becomes this big list of instructions you work off forever, but it's just like what if that's all I've been doing -- what if I've only been doing what I'm told, as an excuse for not having to think, 'cause you can only be told so much, you have to question things for yourself too, and all I want is to be a good person, but what if this whole time... I don't know, please can you just tell me what to think??
We are all watching at one point or another.
And the reasons are many,
But they are really only one.
We watch to understand.
And I am watching the sick girl.
And I do not understand.
Believe me, I know, it sucks -- constantly looking at where you're supposed to be and hating that you're not there. But, like, one day you'll probably look up and find yourself there with everyone else, on your way to something further, and there are so many ways to get there that it'll be no wonder you didn't notice. 'Cause I'm getting the impression that nothing happens like it's supposed to.
It was June, the end of one stage of school and in the distance the beginning of the next. We'd been friends since the end of grade ten when we connected over being the only two people with no friends, and I was glad/relieved that I'd have the memory of walking home with him after the last day of class. There was definitely a mutual nervous giddiness, like what now?? Too disoriented by the sudden freedom to be afraid. We weren't ready to go home yet.
Fuck, I dunno. The fuckin' speech is always about having the courage to break free of conformity and be yourself or whatever. I got no problem being myself -- the real issue is how do you break free of hating existence once it's become clear that who you've courageously become is unlikely to pay the rent.
Yeah. It's just like... you have this image of yourself that you've built since you were a kid, like I can still remember word-for-word stuff you told me when I was like five, and it all just becomes this big list of instructions you work off forever, but it's just like what if that's all I've been doing -- what if I've only been doing what I'm told, as an excuse for not having to think, 'cause you can only be told so much, you have to question things for yourself too, and all I want is to be a good person, but what if this whole time... I don't know, please can you just tell me what to think??
We are all watching at one point or another.
And the reasons are many,
But they are really only one.
We watch to understand.
And I am watching the sick girl.
And I do not understand.
Believe me, I know, it sucks -- constantly looking at where you're supposed to be and hating that you're not there. But, like, one day you'll probably look up and find yourself there with everyone else, on your way to something further, and there are so many ways to get there that it'll be no wonder you didn't notice. 'Cause I'm getting the impression that nothing happens like it's supposed to.
It was June, the end of one stage of school and in the distance the beginning of the next. We'd been friends since the end of grade ten when we connected over being the only two people with no friends, and I was glad/relieved that I'd have the memory of walking home with him after the last day of class. There was definitely a mutual nervous giddiness, like what now?? Too disoriented by the sudden freedom to be afraid. We weren't ready to go home yet.
This.
I actually think about this quite a lot whether I want to or not. I just happens, and my brain is constantly comparing others around me to "where I'm at" on my own personal road. It's probably quite irrational, like the old apples vs. oranges thing. But sometimes I just can't help it.
That and "the friggin' speech is always about breaking free of conformity" one. 'Cause sure, you could go spearing off the beaten path and do something amazing... but what happens when what you want to do the most leaves you homeless and starving?