I've been realizing so much about myself and what I want out of life. I've felt like I've made some choices that have really impacted me. I know I can't control life, but I've been running away from some problems for a while and I need to address them.

Conventions are nice to go to, but now I may need to go to them in the future more for business purposes if anything. Let me put it this way...cons are money pits. They are good vacations, but at the same time I think the cheapest I've ever done a con is $300. I make plenty of money, but that's beside the point. After FWA and my surgery I'm feeling very drained emotionally and financially. Add to that breaking up with and having my ex move out earlier this year...I feel like I don't know myself most days.

I have the start of a suit making business now and commission stuff to work on. That part of my life is going right. One would think it nets a lot of money and it might, but I don't want to rely on money that is not there right away. I get payments, but until they get into my account I don't think about them.

I want to own a house at some point by myself. I may rent a room to friends or something like that. I am a person who is used to being alone and doing things my own way. I only really get out when I feel I need to do so. It just feels like I can't even leave the house without extra expenses adding up fast. Gas is $30 a tank or so for me. When you go out to eat, the bill may average $12 or so depending on where you go. That's $42 right there. Khoury kept telling me to enjoy myself once in a while, but with the way my finances are right now I can't see much profit in making plans to anything extra.

No fur meets, no extra dining out, I just need to have some time alone to think and do my fursuit work. I need to focus on what is really important right now.