As usual I'm pretty late on things as far as journals go. Where do I even begin? FWA was a weird con for me, but I usually feel that way when I have many (or one very big) obligation during a con. Really this con was more a dance performance than it was anything else, but I'll save that for the end since I've so much to say about it.

The con was a lot of fun! The elevators weren't as bad as last hotel, tho pretty bad at times. Worse was the complete lack of elevator ettiquette, paired with the hotel being way too warm (felt like 75+ much of the time). I lost my cool once while I was in suit, when an entire over-packed elevator rode down to go up, and not a single person would let me in, despite saying I was overheating.. really the least respectful folks I've encountered at a con. Thankfully, staff is aware of the problems and has plans that will help next year.

I know it's par for the course, but getting to see so many friends again, share personal moments together, suit up and be a big dumb hugwolf for people... I say the same thing each con, but it really means everything to me. It *IS* the con to me, and there are many individual moments with people that don't really make sense to recount here to everyone unrelated. So I'll just say, thank you to everyone who shared a smile, hug, and their time with me that's what makes my con. As usual, Floor Wars was an incredible show of raw talent in dance, and so much fun to watch. I didn't get to suit that much, since I was wrapped up with dance comp audition, performance, etc, and also jet-lagged pretty bad the whole con.

I've been booked solid for 6-7 weeks prior to the con, practicing every Saturday & Sunday with my dance crew. We had a goal together, to raise the bar for ourselves. We wanted to be more clean than our MFF performance, while showing that we could do a hard-hitting choreo. We all had our own individual struggles to make it happen, and there were a few times when it looked like things were falling apart.

Personally, I needed to learn how to do a style that wasn't me. I had issues getting into the song selection, and I had difficulty "feeling" the song and expressing it with my motions. I needed to treat it as getting into a character who was all the these things, on top of the usual tasks of making, learning, and executing the choreo. I'm really grateful for my teammates for being patient with me and going over all the subtle things that were so hard to grasp. It's hard to explain, but there's a difference between just doing the motions, and expressing the song through your motions, and it shows if someone isn't getting into it. I was also able to be a bit more useful in making the choreo this time around. ^^

The amount of time we put into this was just nuts. We averaged 10+ hours per weekend, on top of fulltime work and other responsibilities. Towards the end and during the con, my knees started weakening and showing just how stressed they were, but thankfully it wasn't too much to keep under control.

I also had a moment the day before the comp where I needed an emotional realignment. For a few weeks prior I had gotten too wrapped up in HAVING to beat ourselves, HAVING to beat the expectations others had of us, and HAVING to win to show we weren't a one-hit-wonder who just wanted to coast by after that. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't fun. I was reading a few messages sent to me from friends who were excited to see me perform, and the real reasons to do this rushed back to me. Yes, I want to keep growing and never slack off, but dances are and will always be for those who care and want to watch... those who've encouraged and supported me, people who've inspired me or say they've been inspired by me, and anyone who can share the love of dance.

I wish I had better words to express it, but performance is what got me into this fandom, it's what inspired me to turn my life around and put happiness over a safe but unfulfilling routine life, and to give so much more than I ever knew I had in me. If I can keep that light going for myself and anyone else who can feel it from me, I'll do it as long as I have the ability to.

After finding that in myself again, I felt so much better. I wasn't stressing over stupid things anymore. I was just focused on putting on a great show, and I couldn't be happier with how it went off!



Video credit to Revit! There's another video in the works from multiple camera edited together, which I'll share once it's ready. ^^

Looking back, it's crazy to see all the pieces that formed together, from when I said I couldn't dance, to joining in JD and Kwik's Thriller dance years ago, working with Atsu to make my first couple choreo pieces, placing for the first time when I did a routine all on me own, then getting picked up by Skye and JD for group performances, then with FURReal as a crew member. It's been an extremely challenging, but amazingly reward ride so far, and it couldn't have happened without folks believing in me and supporting me. Again, thank you so much to anyone and everyone who's been encouraging and supporting of me. It all means a ton to me, it really pulls me forward and helps me stay positive and motivated. <3 <3 <3

That's all I got! Send photos and stuff if you got any! <3