First of all, apologies to everyone who I still owe (paid) artwork; completely aware it's inexcusable for going this long without a proper update of sorts. I haven't forgot any of you and in fact put my other personal stuff in a complete halt until these are resolved accordingly. I could IM personally about it, but here's the other thing…

I'm sure it's not a rare incident, but for me it feels like it: I'm essentially an asocial guy wanting to be social, yet due to his asocial traits being strong on him, comes up as either awkward, being far from eloquent on general subjects, and on the few things he does have a sense of passion comes off as borderline autistic. I'm a 36 year old guy who still struggles with the basics of socializing as if they were alien concepts, having to bottle up feelings since I dunno where to pour them.

Worst of all, I have a helping nature and want to help others at times, but once again don't know how to approach certain situations due to really bad experiences in the past. No to mention, being in a job where it turns out said trait is truly counter-intuitive can be bloody murder for the soul because of it (Just to give you an idea, I officially hate the state of New Jersey as a whole because of said job).

I'm also aware I have both an accent and tend to speak fast (English is my second language, with Spanish being the main), yet it kills me the double standard I deal with of people complaining having trouble understanding me for either reason or both (with the added bonus that if I speak slowly, it sounds like I'm treating them like morons), yet I have to deal with "Americans" who mangle their "native" language so much they make Jar Jar Binks sound Shakespearean (one of MANY reasons I hate New Jersey now). Even in Spanish I have problems, for a different reason: instead of "A + B + C = D", my train of thought goes more along the lines of "A = D because potato divided by zero": Same result, but trying to explain it is a task of sisyphean proportions.

And of course, I'm 36. I'm constantly struggling in between the thoughts of not giving up, as age has nothing to do with your achievements and still have time to do something, and the thoughts of giving up altogether, as people half my age has achieved said achievements and more.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm emotionally drained to the point that i'm running on fumes, yet somehow still have that one ounce that keeps me from snapping altogether, but still not enough to get me off from this sense of stagnation that has been plaguing me for months.

Now, whether you want to see as a call for help or just attention whoring, that's up to you. For me, it felt like just venting frustrations as I write this, as taking advantage of people's instinct to ignore overly long posts (thank you, Twitter...).

For the few that do care, I'm not expecting a magical cure for the situation and definitively the least I need is pity. I guess I just needed to talk, and just tossing this in the air to see where it sticks.

That being said, gotta work on the pending stuff somehow.