But ...again it feels like I'm making nothing but excuses for my lack of activity for... a while.

Outside what comments I do leave, I've been a rather quiet guy, and my reasons are many. I might have said this in a prior journal, but a number of experiences, and decisions have led me to really speak about my problems to elsewhere.

Yet I do feel I need to give some explanation, especially to anyone still waiting on me for a commission (sure I haven't accepted the cash but it's the fucking principle, or maybe I'm just nuts), or an art trade on my end.

As best I can say without giving much into my life, I've been repeatedly put in situations where it's either difficult or outright impossible for me to practice my art on a consistent, and regular enough basis for me to post things, even for scraps. Furthermore, I am dealing with some inner demons, and few things have given me levity or at least enough relief for me to try to honestly step back and see what I can actually do about my problems.

What I can't do about them has only infuriated me...and it must say something about me that a game like Hotline Miami (2 in particular) can at times calm me down enough to step back and maybe try to do what I can...or at least not be consumed in some kind of negative emoition if not several.

It's been an uphill mountain, and ...I'm struggling

Sometimes that mountain has an avalanche, be it of loose rocks or snow/ice...things that affect me in such a way that...I can't function much for some time.

Sometimes I've felt like giving up...I'm trying to keep moving,....or at least, trying to stay sane...

I want to promise more art...but I can't say until it happens, I don't like to promise or give hype because I can't say till I actually do something, I don't have that confidence yet and even if I did, I'd hold any reservation till I actually post stuff...if I ever do again.

We'll see as always...for what it's worth, I have been at least trying to work on things, but until I can be on a consistent basis, where at worse, I'm doing one thing per week and at best, maybe at least start on something per day...I don't feel confident enough to post till that happens.

Until then...