FA+
Shop
story about friends? you have one of your own?
10 years ago
so. i kind of feel like... talking about it again? however many times this poped up and kind of because i don't know what but at work i thought about them and it brought my whole mood down, so vent? and maybe if you have a story that kind of fits in too, feel free.
soo.... this i guess will be a 3 parter. sorry. least it's new content for those who might actually find this journal interesting enough to click on.
but the first part is..., well the first friend i guess..... where do i start? i guess... how ever long ago when i first met them, it kind of goes like how i run into everyone. i adore their art and gallery, then eventually creep all over it leaving comments and love and favorites, maybe a reason i do is because maybe the person is really grateful that you took the time to not only like one of their things, but to go through what they did and still love it, wether silly things, clever comments, or just love in general, maybe describing why you like something. i don't know if i know the feel myself or even understand it, but taking the time to comment on someone's stuff might just make their day since it kind of encourages them to draw more because someone liked their stuff enough to say that they did. and trust me, taking that little extra time to just say something can make a huge difference. i unfortunatly am bad with words, so if i ever try to say dumb mushy things to people taht mean alot to me, it just doesn't make sense because i try to emote through the things i say.
anyways.... they kind of... i'd say where the kind of person, or i felt we related as well as another friend of mine, who if they read this they will know it's them, that lets me take or care for chacrters they don't think they could want or care for.
we talked and had fun, and joked and did fun stuff and even talked.... she was probably the first person i ever talked to over voice stuff. i really, really liked them and nevere wanted to see them hurt in any way. so i guess things happened or i was a horrible person, as the ones taht know me for a while will know, and i was much more self loathing or didn't see myself as good as everyone else. so i think taht might have really ruined the relation, but probably also because they went through trouble and months went by when they kind fo were gone, so i was worried and stuff, and freaked out a little and.... kind of spammed them so much and i felt bad doing so but i guess... yeah. so it probably didn't help that they were supposed to do an art slave thing since i offered to pay for it twice to help them out. probably only got an hour in to the two times that should've been. and one day a thing happened and i felt so terrible, that even when they got back to me and tried to patch things up, i promised that i'd leave and tehy'd never see or hear from me again. i still don't believe i cxan be forgiven for what happened, even though it's kind of nothing, but everything to me because i take things so seriously. sop until this day i still haven't ever made any contact with them.
i do hpoe that they are doing well and that things will always get better for them when tehy are in a rough spot. i'll never stop caring for a friend that i thought was dear to me.
the second one is all my fault. they were a wonderful person and a super cute artist. i ee=ven got a few cute things of a chacrter i got from my friend from them. but i ruined everything and i always said iw as sorry and tried to amke uo for things but that made it worse until one day they just said they had enough. we both.... well they wished me luck with my art and i enevre said anything back since they removed me shortly after. so i hope they will only become better than i ever will with time. they were so nice and deserve so many good things. i felt bad about it and couldn't bare to keep the art i got from tehm, so i deleted all of it and removed any of their stuff i favorited. i don't plan to ever show my face around them either, and like the last one, i think it's rfar for the best. no matter how much i grow and become a better person with a better personality, i won't forgive myself for all the trouble i caused them.
i hope to god that neither of them ever come by and see this, wether by accident or on purpose. they don't need to know what i thought of them or something, this is where my words stop making sense so i'll stpo talking about this.
these two amazing people... i probably last interacted with them atleast a year ago. so it's been a while and it still hurts.
last one was a person i thought was my inspiration. man... i loved their art. it looked beautiful and they looked liek such a cool, fun person. so i did things, nothing bad. but whenever i looked at their art, it gave me the burning desire to draw and get better and it was so fun to draw under that influence. they left this site and i don't know why, it might bhave been a reason or because people always bashed them or something stupid. but i did more things and it kind of got better and things were kind of cool, but i wasn't social enough to i geuss try to be like social at all to them. anxiety and your biggest inspiration don't go well together. so, yeah. a thing the poseted that i managed to catch made me ask them why they thought what they did. they replied with a verbal pronunciation of angry exasperations then they kind of like ranted or somethng? so i provided a vcounter argument about the situation using facts. they got angry and blocked me after bashing me and so did i guess their weird random people that decided to drop in to do the same? i mean it's facebook, weird ass random people will do anythign without question for a pretty lady. so at the end i went onto another place i watched them one and told them that i was sorry that i ever thought that they could have been an inspiration to me, or something like that, and the alst thien i said was that i hpoe they have a wonderful life.
i wholy and truthfully ment that they did. i wasn't mad, nor bitter, just.... dissappointed that i looked up to someone who acted so... childish. and even thoguh you can't tell if i'm truthful or not, wether you see the post or not, i did truely wish them a happy life without angry or hate. just kind of a little sadness. but i do not believe i harbored any ill will against them when i said what i did and i mean it, even if they wouldn't be able to tell the emotion behind it. even if they aren';t what you expected, the best thing you can do to end the situation you were in is to give them some sort of a farewell without any anger. that way, no matter what anyone says, you know that you can be at peace about it and that the thought of it won't bring any emotions ofther than the ones you left with.
that whole blubber aside.... yeah.... i kind of felt like, i guess i had to vent this all out? put out my story about thigns that happened to me?
maybe this will help you guys decide things or think about stuff and how you've grown because of them, or if you think what you did was the right thing at the time you did it.
i think i was going to have something else here? a littel thing though, but i forgot(like i always do, trust me, i forget thing as i'm saying them!) so if you guys read through this castle worth of words, and probably very poorly spelled. i hope you guys all do well and continue to make your lives better~ no matter WHAT happens, always be yourself!
and. like i said before, if you guys have storied you would like to tell, i'd lvoe to read them, hear what your thoughts were, anything!
soo.... this i guess will be a 3 parter. sorry. least it's new content for those who might actually find this journal interesting enough to click on.
but the first part is..., well the first friend i guess..... where do i start? i guess... how ever long ago when i first met them, it kind of goes like how i run into everyone. i adore their art and gallery, then eventually creep all over it leaving comments and love and favorites, maybe a reason i do is because maybe the person is really grateful that you took the time to not only like one of their things, but to go through what they did and still love it, wether silly things, clever comments, or just love in general, maybe describing why you like something. i don't know if i know the feel myself or even understand it, but taking the time to comment on someone's stuff might just make their day since it kind of encourages them to draw more because someone liked their stuff enough to say that they did. and trust me, taking that little extra time to just say something can make a huge difference. i unfortunatly am bad with words, so if i ever try to say dumb mushy things to people taht mean alot to me, it just doesn't make sense because i try to emote through the things i say.
anyways.... they kind of... i'd say where the kind of person, or i felt we related as well as another friend of mine, who if they read this they will know it's them, that lets me take or care for chacrters they don't think they could want or care for.
we talked and had fun, and joked and did fun stuff and even talked.... she was probably the first person i ever talked to over voice stuff. i really, really liked them and nevere wanted to see them hurt in any way. so i guess things happened or i was a horrible person, as the ones taht know me for a while will know, and i was much more self loathing or didn't see myself as good as everyone else. so i think taht might have really ruined the relation, but probably also because they went through trouble and months went by when they kind fo were gone, so i was worried and stuff, and freaked out a little and.... kind of spammed them so much and i felt bad doing so but i guess... yeah. so it probably didn't help that they were supposed to do an art slave thing since i offered to pay for it twice to help them out. probably only got an hour in to the two times that should've been. and one day a thing happened and i felt so terrible, that even when they got back to me and tried to patch things up, i promised that i'd leave and tehy'd never see or hear from me again. i still don't believe i cxan be forgiven for what happened, even though it's kind of nothing, but everything to me because i take things so seriously. sop until this day i still haven't ever made any contact with them.
i do hpoe that they are doing well and that things will always get better for them when tehy are in a rough spot. i'll never stop caring for a friend that i thought was dear to me.
the second one is all my fault. they were a wonderful person and a super cute artist. i ee=ven got a few cute things of a chacrter i got from my friend from them. but i ruined everything and i always said iw as sorry and tried to amke uo for things but that made it worse until one day they just said they had enough. we both.... well they wished me luck with my art and i enevre said anything back since they removed me shortly after. so i hope they will only become better than i ever will with time. they were so nice and deserve so many good things. i felt bad about it and couldn't bare to keep the art i got from tehm, so i deleted all of it and removed any of their stuff i favorited. i don't plan to ever show my face around them either, and like the last one, i think it's rfar for the best. no matter how much i grow and become a better person with a better personality, i won't forgive myself for all the trouble i caused them.
i hope to god that neither of them ever come by and see this, wether by accident or on purpose. they don't need to know what i thought of them or something, this is where my words stop making sense so i'll stpo talking about this.
these two amazing people... i probably last interacted with them atleast a year ago. so it's been a while and it still hurts.
last one was a person i thought was my inspiration. man... i loved their art. it looked beautiful and they looked liek such a cool, fun person. so i did things, nothing bad. but whenever i looked at their art, it gave me the burning desire to draw and get better and it was so fun to draw under that influence. they left this site and i don't know why, it might bhave been a reason or because people always bashed them or something stupid. but i did more things and it kind of got better and things were kind of cool, but i wasn't social enough to i geuss try to be like social at all to them. anxiety and your biggest inspiration don't go well together. so, yeah. a thing the poseted that i managed to catch made me ask them why they thought what they did. they replied with a verbal pronunciation of angry exasperations then they kind of like ranted or somethng? so i provided a vcounter argument about the situation using facts. they got angry and blocked me after bashing me and so did i guess their weird random people that decided to drop in to do the same? i mean it's facebook, weird ass random people will do anythign without question for a pretty lady. so at the end i went onto another place i watched them one and told them that i was sorry that i ever thought that they could have been an inspiration to me, or something like that, and the alst thien i said was that i hpoe they have a wonderful life.
i wholy and truthfully ment that they did. i wasn't mad, nor bitter, just.... dissappointed that i looked up to someone who acted so... childish. and even thoguh you can't tell if i'm truthful or not, wether you see the post or not, i did truely wish them a happy life without angry or hate. just kind of a little sadness. but i do not believe i harbored any ill will against them when i said what i did and i mean it, even if they wouldn't be able to tell the emotion behind it. even if they aren';t what you expected, the best thing you can do to end the situation you were in is to give them some sort of a farewell without any anger. that way, no matter what anyone says, you know that you can be at peace about it and that the thought of it won't bring any emotions ofther than the ones you left with.
that whole blubber aside.... yeah.... i kind of felt like, i guess i had to vent this all out? put out my story about thigns that happened to me?
maybe this will help you guys decide things or think about stuff and how you've grown because of them, or if you think what you did was the right thing at the time you did it.
i think i was going to have something else here? a littel thing though, but i forgot(like i always do, trust me, i forget thing as i'm saying them!) so if you guys read through this castle worth of words, and probably very poorly spelled. i hope you guys all do well and continue to make your lives better~ no matter WHAT happens, always be yourself!
and. like i said before, if you guys have storied you would like to tell, i'd lvoe to read them, hear what your thoughts were, anything!
kind of feels..... Peaceful when you end something without ill will.
Time skip to a few years later, and we've largely fallen out...just drifted apart. I heard one of our mutual friends casually talking about when she faked getting raped to our friend group for attention, and how convincing it'd been. Apparently she told all of them and apologised, even ones she'd drifted from too...everyone except me. Literally everybody knew it except me, and they all had assumed she'd told me too, so they never really bothered to tell me either. I was so furious. She had contact with me, she could have told me and apologised, but for some reason or another she completely negated my existence. It made me feel so worthless as a friend and it put an enormous hole in my already swiss cheesed self esteem. Still kinda hurts.
I know that I was gullible and I really shouldn't have believed people over the internet, but they were my very first group of friends, the very first group of people outside my family that seemed to genuinely like my personality and my company and for that reason I put a lot of value into them. More than they really deserved. I've realised now that it wasn't me who made the mistake. At the time I felt like the worst person on the planet, and that I must have done something to deserve it, or maybe I really was just a bad friend and she treated me that way, but what she did was wrong. I may not've realised it then but I do now and with time I think you'll come to realise that those people aren't what makes up your worth as a friend.