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The Fantastic Fervent Feats of the Fucking Fox
10 years ago
General
♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥ 
It has been a while since I have updated my experiences in life and figured it would be a good time to do an update.
I have had quite a few changes in my life these past few years. I have changed myself as a person so drastically that I may seem completely different to most people. The change has been so radical that I find it extremely difficult to hang out with certain types of people that I used to love to be around. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but it seems like I no longer fit in. My expectations and ideas of pleasure are alien to a lot of people. I no longer worry about trivial nonsense, like pop culture or what people think of me. While I have goals I try to meet, I do not place my happiness beyond the horizon. I instead focus on the great things I have around me and reach for that which is within my grasp. This mentality has made me so much more secure and disinterested towards societal pressures. I like to say that if you place your happiness into the future then you'll always be depressed. People fall into the trap that if they meet their goals then all of their struggling and suffering will end, but whenever one struggle ends another begins. Don't get crushed by your dreams; one massive blow to a monster rarely succeeds, you must bring it down by death from a thousand slashes.
I have been on a healthy diet for so long that I nearly gag when I see people eating garbage food. I haven't had fast food in over two years, hamburgers are just too greasy for me to stomach. My main meat is chicken/turkey with some farm raised fish from time to time, pork and beef have been largely cut out (I'll have some on rare occasions). I consume more fruit now than I ever have in my adult life. The problem before was lack of access along with not knowing how to cook or having the facilities to cook. The vast majority of my meals are home cooked. I have saved so much money while eating so well. Going out just isn't as pleasurable because I can typically make my own meals exactly to my liking.
I have been working out regularly for three years now and it really shows. This weekend I hiked a mountain trail that was ten mile trail with a 30lb pack in seven hours. The elevation was from 10,000 to 13,000 feet. My legs got tired towards the end and I was expecting to be sore for the next few days. I felt no soreness at all, this is amazing! The great thing about being fit is that every physical task is much easier. It can be pretty difficult for me to get my heartrate up to 147 bmp, my resting rate is as low as 47bmp. Today I did a 15 minute warm up and got my rate up to 157 bmp and in about 30 seconds it was back down to 90. I look good and I feel good, I have some belly fat that just won't go away, but I guess that is something that happens at 30.
I work just two miles away from my apartment so I take my bike into work as often as possible. Going to work is easy, I can get there faster than if I drive. It is mostly downhill all the way. The flip side to that is that going home is uphill most of the way, but I see this as an exercise opportunity which helps me get better with each passing day. My job is pretty boring, I'm just a glorified warehouse worker. The physical tasks are easy, but they don't happen too often. Most of the time I have nothing to do except surf Facebook. I don't like to be paid for doing nothing, I want to feel like I achieve something each day. All of my coworkers have the typical american philosophy towards life. They eat crap, some smoke, none ever exercise, and their views on current events seem too simplistic to me (they prefer the simple explanation instead of entertaining complexity). My supervisor and manager seem impressed, they are even thinking about pulling funds from elsewhere just to keep me on past September. I have a government job and the budget for the department has been slashed. I think I would rather not work during the semester so I can focus on my school work.
School. Well, I got overwhelmed last semester and had to drop my Calc 2 class. I suffered a bit in Chem 2 as well, ended up with a C. I got an A in macroeconomics though. The drawback to that is that I cringe whenever I hear republicans (or even worse, libertarians/ tea party, talk about their ideas for balancing the budget. It is like they have learned nothing about the recent recession or what caused it. Whenever you hear a politician say that we need to get the public debt down to zero that is a red flag that they have no fucking clue what they are talking about. Anyways, my next semester will include Physics 1, Calc 2, and Microeconomics.
I've been told that some people are jealous of my relationship with my husband. Some people have the misguided notion that we are a perfect couple. Fantasy is never as wondrous as reality. My marriage can get pretty damn rocky at times and has seemed to be on the edge of collapse several times already. The thing that saves us is that both of us want to make our marriage last. We swallow our egos and admit that we are flawed and sometimes act like we are borderline retarded. I now freely admit my faults instead of getting defensive. Whenever there is conflict we try to be as rational as possible. "Only one of us can be irrational at a time," we jokingly say to each other. If either of us is acting bitchy we try to understand why instead of focusing on the negative attitude. For example, when I am tired and hungry I act like a little bitch. I feel the bitchy impulse, but I am aware of what is going on and I communicate that to my mate. He accepts that and refuses to get upset over it. I do the same for him. Any relationship can do this, it takes communication, honesty, and willingness to expose your weaknesses. Every day I tell my husband that I love him and that he makes me so incredibly happy. I do this to make him feel better about himself, but there is a selfish reason for it too, it helps me to feel better for having him in my life.
We have an agreement for an open relationship. We've had three ways where the third person is amazed at our personal security and comfort. I do not feel jealous about someone else having sex with my husband. He isn't a woman so there is no chance that he'll catch pregnancy, and at the end of the day he'd rather be in my arms than with anyone else. It takes a huge amount of security and trust to be able to pull this off, not everyone can do it. I believe outdated ideas about relationships and societal norms sets up this false notion of monogamy. Human anatomy suggests that we are polygamous in nature. You can deny it all you want, but our sex organs say otherwise.
Anyways, enough of this nonsense. Time for me to hide under my rock for another six months.
~Abide
I have had quite a few changes in my life these past few years. I have changed myself as a person so drastically that I may seem completely different to most people. The change has been so radical that I find it extremely difficult to hang out with certain types of people that I used to love to be around. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but it seems like I no longer fit in. My expectations and ideas of pleasure are alien to a lot of people. I no longer worry about trivial nonsense, like pop culture or what people think of me. While I have goals I try to meet, I do not place my happiness beyond the horizon. I instead focus on the great things I have around me and reach for that which is within my grasp. This mentality has made me so much more secure and disinterested towards societal pressures. I like to say that if you place your happiness into the future then you'll always be depressed. People fall into the trap that if they meet their goals then all of their struggling and suffering will end, but whenever one struggle ends another begins. Don't get crushed by your dreams; one massive blow to a monster rarely succeeds, you must bring it down by death from a thousand slashes.
I have been on a healthy diet for so long that I nearly gag when I see people eating garbage food. I haven't had fast food in over two years, hamburgers are just too greasy for me to stomach. My main meat is chicken/turkey with some farm raised fish from time to time, pork and beef have been largely cut out (I'll have some on rare occasions). I consume more fruit now than I ever have in my adult life. The problem before was lack of access along with not knowing how to cook or having the facilities to cook. The vast majority of my meals are home cooked. I have saved so much money while eating so well. Going out just isn't as pleasurable because I can typically make my own meals exactly to my liking.
I have been working out regularly for three years now and it really shows. This weekend I hiked a mountain trail that was ten mile trail with a 30lb pack in seven hours. The elevation was from 10,000 to 13,000 feet. My legs got tired towards the end and I was expecting to be sore for the next few days. I felt no soreness at all, this is amazing! The great thing about being fit is that every physical task is much easier. It can be pretty difficult for me to get my heartrate up to 147 bmp, my resting rate is as low as 47bmp. Today I did a 15 minute warm up and got my rate up to 157 bmp and in about 30 seconds it was back down to 90. I look good and I feel good, I have some belly fat that just won't go away, but I guess that is something that happens at 30.
I work just two miles away from my apartment so I take my bike into work as often as possible. Going to work is easy, I can get there faster than if I drive. It is mostly downhill all the way. The flip side to that is that going home is uphill most of the way, but I see this as an exercise opportunity which helps me get better with each passing day. My job is pretty boring, I'm just a glorified warehouse worker. The physical tasks are easy, but they don't happen too often. Most of the time I have nothing to do except surf Facebook. I don't like to be paid for doing nothing, I want to feel like I achieve something each day. All of my coworkers have the typical american philosophy towards life. They eat crap, some smoke, none ever exercise, and their views on current events seem too simplistic to me (they prefer the simple explanation instead of entertaining complexity). My supervisor and manager seem impressed, they are even thinking about pulling funds from elsewhere just to keep me on past September. I have a government job and the budget for the department has been slashed. I think I would rather not work during the semester so I can focus on my school work.
School. Well, I got overwhelmed last semester and had to drop my Calc 2 class. I suffered a bit in Chem 2 as well, ended up with a C. I got an A in macroeconomics though. The drawback to that is that I cringe whenever I hear republicans (or even worse, libertarians/ tea party, talk about their ideas for balancing the budget. It is like they have learned nothing about the recent recession or what caused it. Whenever you hear a politician say that we need to get the public debt down to zero that is a red flag that they have no fucking clue what they are talking about. Anyways, my next semester will include Physics 1, Calc 2, and Microeconomics.
I've been told that some people are jealous of my relationship with my husband. Some people have the misguided notion that we are a perfect couple. Fantasy is never as wondrous as reality. My marriage can get pretty damn rocky at times and has seemed to be on the edge of collapse several times already. The thing that saves us is that both of us want to make our marriage last. We swallow our egos and admit that we are flawed and sometimes act like we are borderline retarded. I now freely admit my faults instead of getting defensive. Whenever there is conflict we try to be as rational as possible. "Only one of us can be irrational at a time," we jokingly say to each other. If either of us is acting bitchy we try to understand why instead of focusing on the negative attitude. For example, when I am tired and hungry I act like a little bitch. I feel the bitchy impulse, but I am aware of what is going on and I communicate that to my mate. He accepts that and refuses to get upset over it. I do the same for him. Any relationship can do this, it takes communication, honesty, and willingness to expose your weaknesses. Every day I tell my husband that I love him and that he makes me so incredibly happy. I do this to make him feel better about himself, but there is a selfish reason for it too, it helps me to feel better for having him in my life.
We have an agreement for an open relationship. We've had three ways where the third person is amazed at our personal security and comfort. I do not feel jealous about someone else having sex with my husband. He isn't a woman so there is no chance that he'll catch pregnancy, and at the end of the day he'd rather be in my arms than with anyone else. It takes a huge amount of security and trust to be able to pull this off, not everyone can do it. I believe outdated ideas about relationships and societal norms sets up this false notion of monogamy. Human anatomy suggests that we are polygamous in nature. You can deny it all you want, but our sex organs say otherwise.
Anyways, enough of this nonsense. Time for me to hide under my rock for another six months.
~Abide
The true relaxation and happiness is teaching my nephew how to work with his hands and showing him there's a world of discovery and wonder out there or sitting on the patio with my folks and discussing current and future events, knowing I'm able to have their backs if and when the time arises.