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I feel this needs to be said..
10 years ago
♚ ℒᴀᴘɪɴ - ᴛʜᴇ ℬᴜɴɴʏ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ ♚
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Note :
Before you read this, if you start reading it you must finish it. Do not get mad at me because you did not finish hearing what i have to say.
This is my personal opinion and if you do not agree with it, fine, but to not go out of your way in an attempt to start a fight on this,
i will hide your comment and block you to end things, no questions asked.
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I am imperfect
And I am not okay with it
And I am not comfortable with my body
And I know it
And that is okay.
I have stretch marks, a fuller figure, scars from self harm, accidents, mistakes, and other events in my life.
I have skin discoloration entirely over my legs and up to my hips, up my sides, as well as along my arms from scars and it is probably my biggest insecurity,
and why i have not gone swimming in almost 3 years, im too embarrass to do it.
I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of something my mothers ex-husband did to me when i was 12,
And i cant handle being alone in crowds, i don't like being touched,
and i get very very hostile if i dont know someone and they get too comfortable or make assumptions about me.
I am at risk for so many types of cancer because of my familys history that sometimes its just not worth thinking about the future because i have such a huge risk of something terminal.
I can no longer run like i used to enjoy because when i was younger, my little brother almost broke my left kneecap,
and about a year ago i was hit by a car and i was thrown and took almost the entire impact on my right side,
so i now have random almost crippling pain from my knees when im on my feet too long or trying to, say, relax and just run.
I am a social introvert and i have a hard time leaving for anything aside from work, i get too uncomfortable around people, and i ALWAYS feel like the 3rd wheel even if its just me and one other person.
I have days where i just want to sit and cry and give up and stop thinking and having to be everyones' rock and vent friend.
I have had suicidal depression where i thought about so many different way to just end and when i asked for help i was told im just looking for attention and need to get over myself.
But I am human
And i have walked my own way to get to who i am today
And Its okay
It is okay because i love how i can fill out a pair of jeans and a tank top and looks AMAZING in something so simple because i have the curves to fill it out
My skin has made me more conscious of others and im more likely to go out of my way to cheer someone up when they look uncomfortable with themself because i know what thats like and i HATE it.
There has never been a day when i wish my past had been changed, yes i wish some things had not had to happen, but they did, and i became the person I am and I dont think i could imagine myself as someone else.
I have learned that i could be really really sick for a really long time so i should live as happy and as well as i can today because its
so I have been to Hawaii, the grand canyon, i have swam with sharks, climbed a volcano, gone to the top of enchanted rock too many times to count, I have been t a rainforest, and so many other amazing things because i had the chance to and didnt want to pass it up.
While i cannot be athletic like i used to be, I have learned to draw, and music and art are how i express myself and vent and enjoy my time and i have learned something that i want to make into my life.
I have some very close friends, and they understand while i may be uncomfortable going out they still want to have me there and they do their best to call me stupid and make me realize that.
I have lived though my depression with nothing more than a few scars to show i was there, and even those will heal over and fade just like the episodes i had to deal with.
I have my family and a few close people to me to help me realize i dont need to be alone in things, even if i stupidly think i do.
I think the idea that you NEED to be comfortable with yourself is bullshit
We go through so much stuff
we have such an unrealistic image to live up to,
how the FUCK are we going to be comfortable with ourselves all the time?
The idea that you should he happy no matter what people say
Its bullshit.
You DONT need to be happy with yourself all the time
You are allowed to have days where you hate yourself,
where you want to change something,
where you want to be just a LITTLE different from what people think you are
Why?
Because thats what motivates you as a person to grow
it inspires people to loose weight so they can get that one prom dress that looks AMAZING,
it inspires people to color their hair just because they love the color and it makes them feel more confident,
it inspires people to chase their dreams and go into jobs they LOVE to make themselves happier
There is no way you can EVER be happy with yourself and be happy,
our human brains do not work that way, its an unrealistic expectation for something so pessimistic to be so happy
And no, you may not agree with me on this,
you may even get mad at me for it,
but if you REALLY think about it
It might just be a little bit true
Because you cannot have a positive without a negative
otherwise whats the point of having a positive at all?
So no, dont be happy with yourself all the time,
Just live each moment to moment to the fullest,
Be happy as you go, and its okay to be sad or mad or angry, with yourself or others,
but dont dwell on it.
Get up and go do better, and get happy again.
I think more people do, but its the internet, you cant give your own opinion without being called a hater/sexist/racist/uneducated/ect...
Someone had to say it!
But very well put, Doll.