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The hardest thing to do.
19 years ago
General
Ok I really need to write right now because it will savemy sanity just enough to make sure I don't something really Stupid.
I just recently lost my girlfriend. She was really special and I loved her. She was different and when you think you love someone and then oneday find out what love is it is so painful to deal with. I really can't turn to anyone becuase itis my problem to bear and I am going to start counseling. I am listening to James Blunt's Goodbye my Lover right now I am havingsuch a hard time typing now because I can't see and I am shaking terribly.
When James Blunt premeired this song he said that you would not want to listen to this if you ever Lost someone you loved. Until recently I could listen to this song unphased but I could relate. NowI see why he said not to listen to it. Becuase this is so hard to listen to but I can't turn away from it becuase it is true. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and there is no way I can tell her how I feel anymore. I am so hollow right now and I don't know what to do with my life right now. I am floundering and I can't seem to get a hold of anything.
I never thought that losing her would be this hard and for the time we were together I did my best to ready myself if this ever happened. But everything I thought I would be able to deal with is just a painful remnder that I fucked up and that I cause her to break up with me. It was my fault and I don' know if I will ever be able to get back with her. Nothing matters anymore and I am afraid that losing her is going to cause my death. I lost her once because I didn't know she loved me and now I lost her because I allowed my fustrations and anger overwhelm me and she justcouldn't take it. What is even harder is that she has already moved on and I am stuck with all of the pain. She seems so happy now and I want to be part of that happiness once again. I am falling and I can't get up. God why is this so hard? Why doesit have to hurt so much? Why do I have to feel this way just so I can heal and rectify the problems in my life.
I can't express in words how much this girl meant to me and I can't express how much I hurt. I am on the verge of stopping everything at this point and I have to keep typing so I don't do anything rash. I just wish I didn't fuck up becuase a life without her is not a life worth living. If any of you who read this knew what kind of person she is you would understand. I never in my entire life have found someone so selfless to her friends and family, I never laid eyes on anyone as beautiful as her, and I never spoke to a more intellegent person.
This girl was what I had searched for my entire life and now I have pushed her out of my life and I am paying the price for it dearly. I would rather have five minutes of pain to end it all than have to deal with one more day with the pain I am feeling now.
It seems so easy. But I don't know hwo it will help. I am so lost and just want a helping hand in my life. I am so lonely even though I live with friends. I just want to stop everything.
I need to stop now. For everyone who reads this I want to say that I love you. I love you for who you are and all of your beliefs. I love you for your talent, and I love you that you are there in the world helping someone with something no matte how small it is. If you never hear from me again Please take these words to heart. Ilove you.
I just recently lost my girlfriend. She was really special and I loved her. She was different and when you think you love someone and then oneday find out what love is it is so painful to deal with. I really can't turn to anyone becuase itis my problem to bear and I am going to start counseling. I am listening to James Blunt's Goodbye my Lover right now I am havingsuch a hard time typing now because I can't see and I am shaking terribly.
When James Blunt premeired this song he said that you would not want to listen to this if you ever Lost someone you loved. Until recently I could listen to this song unphased but I could relate. NowI see why he said not to listen to it. Becuase this is so hard to listen to but I can't turn away from it becuase it is true. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and there is no way I can tell her how I feel anymore. I am so hollow right now and I don't know what to do with my life right now. I am floundering and I can't seem to get a hold of anything.
I never thought that losing her would be this hard and for the time we were together I did my best to ready myself if this ever happened. But everything I thought I would be able to deal with is just a painful remnder that I fucked up and that I cause her to break up with me. It was my fault and I don' know if I will ever be able to get back with her. Nothing matters anymore and I am afraid that losing her is going to cause my death. I lost her once because I didn't know she loved me and now I lost her because I allowed my fustrations and anger overwhelm me and she justcouldn't take it. What is even harder is that she has already moved on and I am stuck with all of the pain. She seems so happy now and I want to be part of that happiness once again. I am falling and I can't get up. God why is this so hard? Why doesit have to hurt so much? Why do I have to feel this way just so I can heal and rectify the problems in my life.
I can't express in words how much this girl meant to me and I can't express how much I hurt. I am on the verge of stopping everything at this point and I have to keep typing so I don't do anything rash. I just wish I didn't fuck up becuase a life without her is not a life worth living. If any of you who read this knew what kind of person she is you would understand. I never in my entire life have found someone so selfless to her friends and family, I never laid eyes on anyone as beautiful as her, and I never spoke to a more intellegent person.
This girl was what I had searched for my entire life and now I have pushed her out of my life and I am paying the price for it dearly. I would rather have five minutes of pain to end it all than have to deal with one more day with the pain I am feeling now.
It seems so easy. But I don't know hwo it will help. I am so lost and just want a helping hand in my life. I am so lonely even though I live with friends. I just want to stop everything.
I need to stop now. For everyone who reads this I want to say that I love you. I love you for who you are and all of your beliefs. I love you for your talent, and I love you that you are there in the world helping someone with something no matte how small it is. If you never hear from me again Please take these words to heart. Ilove you.
