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Creepy Comments: Keeping Your Eyes Wide, and Your Mouth Sh..
10 years ago
The following was a response I wrote to another journal, discussing the oddities of adult artists requesting that their commenters refrain from creepy comments. Given how old the last journal was, I figured this was as good a topic as any with which to refresh. Make no mistake, the irony of a certain, mouthy bun bun posting something like this has not been lost. Allow this sinner to polish up a stone for casting.
That said, "Why we no creepy comment, if we can help it?"
Think of it like you were invited to an orgy. You're a stranger to the event (otherwise, you'd already know the ground rules,) but the moment you step in, it's obvious this is going to be a good time (because otherwise, why bother to comment?) You only know the participants by reputation. That's fine. After all, you aren't the only newcomer here. It's a semi-public event, so all sorts of people are there with various relationships to one another. The one thing everyone shares is a desire to not see this party end early on account of bad behavior.
Always keep in mind that the hosts of this event have no idea if you're a sweetheart, a world-worn romantic nursing broken dreams, or a madman from the deepest, darkest depths of 4chan. They don't know you, and you really don't know them. This is your shot, maybe your one shot, to make a good impression.
How do you put them at ease? You certainly don't unzip, let the drool dribble wetly down the front of your chin, and cry out, "which a' youse <expletives> wants a' taste?" At least, not without very clear indication, from the hosts, that this is exactly that kind of a party.
But wait, you may say, that guy over there is half out his trousers, spitting vile, and the hosts are obviously into it!
Doesn't matter, because you don't know what they know. He could be a dear friend, someone acting out for satire's sake. Or maybe they really do have that sort of relationship with the hosts, because the hosts knows them well enough to feel safe engaging in a way they normally wouldn't. Focus on your own behavior. Unless you have clear reason to believe otherwise, it's best to behave yourself, enjoy the orgy, and leave your special Magic Murder-Kink bag back in your Wizard van where it belongs. That is, until you've developed the sort of rapport with someone to know whether or not they'd be interested in having a peek.
Yes, an adult image on an adult site does invite a lot of adult discourse, but cultivating an environment where people can let their hair and/or pants down requires a space where all the participants feel safe to do so. When you fling the creep before you're sure the creep is welcome you jeopardize that sense of safety. Don't get upset when you misjudge a situation, most of us have at one point or another. Hell, a certain bun bun is famous for it. Just apologize, reconsider what made you think this was the right time for Daddy Big-D to let out a howl, and move on to the next party.
On a personal note, I enjoy knowing how hard a story of mine might have hit the reader, or what they might do with one of my characters, if given the chance. Just be respectful of the characters owned by other users, and realize that this is my house (or apartment, I suppose,) and those are my rules. For everywhere else, if you don't know, best to keep it civil, and make proper use of the welcoming mat before dragging your personal mess all over somebody's new carpet.
As an aside, if there is anyone who feels that I have violated the sanctity of their home with my own peculiar commentary, allow me this chance to apologize. I'll try my best to be better about it in the future.
That said, "Why we no creepy comment, if we can help it?"
Think of it like you were invited to an orgy. You're a stranger to the event (otherwise, you'd already know the ground rules,) but the moment you step in, it's obvious this is going to be a good time (because otherwise, why bother to comment?) You only know the participants by reputation. That's fine. After all, you aren't the only newcomer here. It's a semi-public event, so all sorts of people are there with various relationships to one another. The one thing everyone shares is a desire to not see this party end early on account of bad behavior.
Always keep in mind that the hosts of this event have no idea if you're a sweetheart, a world-worn romantic nursing broken dreams, or a madman from the deepest, darkest depths of 4chan. They don't know you, and you really don't know them. This is your shot, maybe your one shot, to make a good impression.
How do you put them at ease? You certainly don't unzip, let the drool dribble wetly down the front of your chin, and cry out, "which a' youse <expletives> wants a' taste?" At least, not without very clear indication, from the hosts, that this is exactly that kind of a party.
But wait, you may say, that guy over there is half out his trousers, spitting vile, and the hosts are obviously into it!
Doesn't matter, because you don't know what they know. He could be a dear friend, someone acting out for satire's sake. Or maybe they really do have that sort of relationship with the hosts, because the hosts knows them well enough to feel safe engaging in a way they normally wouldn't. Focus on your own behavior. Unless you have clear reason to believe otherwise, it's best to behave yourself, enjoy the orgy, and leave your special Magic Murder-Kink bag back in your Wizard van where it belongs. That is, until you've developed the sort of rapport with someone to know whether or not they'd be interested in having a peek.
Yes, an adult image on an adult site does invite a lot of adult discourse, but cultivating an environment where people can let their hair and/or pants down requires a space where all the participants feel safe to do so. When you fling the creep before you're sure the creep is welcome you jeopardize that sense of safety. Don't get upset when you misjudge a situation, most of us have at one point or another. Hell, a certain bun bun is famous for it. Just apologize, reconsider what made you think this was the right time for Daddy Big-D to let out a howl, and move on to the next party.
On a personal note, I enjoy knowing how hard a story of mine might have hit the reader, or what they might do with one of my characters, if given the chance. Just be respectful of the characters owned by other users, and realize that this is my house (or apartment, I suppose,) and those are my rules. For everywhere else, if you don't know, best to keep it civil, and make proper use of the welcoming mat before dragging your personal mess all over somebody's new carpet.
As an aside, if there is anyone who feels that I have violated the sanctity of their home with my own peculiar commentary, allow me this chance to apologize. I'll try my best to be better about it in the future.
Sorry, couldn't resist. Thanks for your support. ^^
why I won't upload images of my characters' children, because furries have asked me when I intend to make incest porn. (fuck you very much.)
and why I get annoyed when I get weirdos attempting to insert themselves on personal art between my husband's character and mine.
*frustrate grunt*
And as you should know by now, you're welcome to polish off any frustrated grunts with an amicable bun bun. We're good like that.
Which... I just realized, only serves to illustrate your point. Did I mention we need fave buttons for journals?
If I could fave a comment, I'd absolutely fave this one.
I knew there was a reason I found you to be awesome *offers a tight hug*
I'm honored you think so, and I'll try my best to be worthy of that esteem. I can't guarantee I will be, but it won't be for lack of effort on my part.
I mean horny. Grindy, rapaciously suggestive, selling-myself-at-WhiteDeath's-Pet-Auction-House, multi-tasking and batch-responding multiple TinySex and roleplay scenarios at once, horny.
What that does is burn one out over an excess of time AND generates enough of a reputation that such a person might not want when they're trying to be serious and not have random cat-callers whispering or paging if they can stick a thumb up their butt while they're trying to have their fun sci-fi roleplay. And as people do, they change (I'd say mature).
I feel the root of many creepy comments very well may be the phase of these people who haven't reached the point of epiphany where things are much more manageable if you're not portraying yourself as an easy toss 24/7 any time, anywhere. With some reservation as to specific environments where that's expected, there's always places where it's not needed, and many of these creeper comments come from the depths of raw uninhibited spontaneity that hasn't thwapped them on the nose firmly and told them 'NO. BAD. Tuck it away, show some tact first and read the situation!'
Me, I'm exhausted dealing with creepy comments from absolute strangers hoping to squeeze their stranger-asses into a sultry situation with someone or ones I've known, likely, far longer than they've even been aware of the fandom. They come like a rainwash on nigh every post people bother to comment and I simply don't respond, wishing vainly that silence can teach well enough that reaction and acknowledgement comes from effort. But the etiquette and tact of the textual orgy such as you paint it is not common sense. And it does not occur to many netizens in these parts without a sound nose-bap, one which is usually balked at.
I do so wish however that the sentiments of this journal could be distilled into liquid form and loaded into a hypospray. Maybe I'll make a comic of it one day.
I've also been something of a loose bun bun during the before-times. The things I got up to on certain chat programs are far too numerous, and most definitely too salacious to be shared on a journal like this. Needless to say, once I started logging in to Yahoo only to get slammed by twenty plus propositions, I knew I needed to make a change. To be fair, I'm probably no less loose than I once was, just a bit more selective about where I expend that energy. I know too many amazing people, both on this site and off, not to focus my attention on those who honestly appreciate it.
but when i dont know em. its like. if i was out in public drinking hot coco and someone just said "dude your dick is awesome i wanna ride it" i would slowly get up....and run like hell
Kitty does worry about being creepy at times, but... yeah. Best to watch and observe first, ALWAYS.