I make SO MANY lists, that way I don't have to worry about forgetting something because man... I can be so forgetful. Thanks for your comment c:

it really does sound like a combination. when I was working full-time, finding time to draw was wearing me the fuck out but I felt like I couldn't stop for the sake of art. even if I meant sacrificing sleep. my art was more important to me than my job, my money, or any of my belongings, it's literally the only thing that keeps me going. I drew on the weekends, and if I didn't, I'd beat myself up so much.

now i'm luckily enough to have the time and space to work on art and I should be happy - but it's still very difficult to get motivated. I guess what i'm trying to say, is that even if you did have time, it sounds like your problem roots in just "doing it". draw when you're not inspired. it's a must. to be an artist, it's an absolute must. and it's possible in you, too.
what I kind of see here also is lack of confidence. artists are so afraid to take on less hourly-wage work to work on their actual art because of how much money they think they'll lose. but in the same time, I think it's worth the push and the experiment to give yourself extra full days to devote (and fully devote) those days to literally no (distracting) media and just ART. sketchbooks, SAI/photoshop, oekaki, pastels, whatever.

It also helps to surround yourself with creatives, because I know if I don't necessarily feel like drawing when people around me are constantly playing vidja games. :T

idk my two cents. sorry if I rambled a bit ;-;
you lots. <3

I bought a shiny new sketch book for this purpose. Making myself doodle something every day even if it is dumb. I find that I often dislike what I sketch, but when I go back and look I end up liking them... what. Anyway, thank you for your love and support. *clings*

Don't worry yourself about mine, please take your time, I won't ever rush you hun

story of my life. seriously that's me every day except I don't have to work (at least I don't have to be somewhere at a certain time) so it's pretty sad lol. I mean, unlike you it's not "I have a few hours" it's "I have literally all day...and tomorrow...and every day" haha.

I've been analyzing this problem in myself a LOT recently and I realized it's ADD. I'm 100% certain. I had problems concentrating even way back when I was a little kid. I suspected I had ADD in my teens and tried to get help for it (unfortunately the 2 professionals I saw happened to suck and failed at their job. I realize that in retrospect). later on, after a shit ton of problems that stemmed mostly from my self-medicating I WAS officially diagnosed with ADD but I had Bipolar and it was much worse so it was the focus. never got help for the ADD. Now that I realize that was likely the problem ALL ALONG (and that I'm still struggling with it) I made an appointment at my clinic (unfortunately they can't see me until sept 22nd?!? fml I dunno what I'm gonna do for the next 9 weeks ;___; )

ANYWAY I said all that because from what you said, it sounds to me like that may be the problem. I relate to it SO MUCH and I ~know~ I have ADD and that's exactly what happens! it's SO hard to get started on things you need to do, even if it's something you love doing. (and even if you manage to start, it's too easy to get distracted and drop it and do something else, no?) and surfing the web is perfect because it's not just one thing, I mean you can jump around from thing to thing (I always have like 15 tabs open- seriously for people who have ADD, it's like the worst thing ever to have been invented. XD)

you could have anxiety too, or depression, or even all three of those things. and any one of those things could cause the others, I think. it could be that ADD is not the underlying problem, maybe anxiety, or depression, is making it hard for you to concentrate. mental health stuff is complicated like that -_-

I think the best thing to do is probably see a professional. they can help you sort it out and figure out the underlying problem and what to do about it. if it's causing you considerable stress, and you don't feel like you're functioning like you should be, you should definitely do something about it! why would you be "trying to put a label on something that isn't actually real"? if you can tell you're struggling with ~something~ then yes there's a problem that's real, and it's only natural to try and pin down what that "something" is. don't beat yourself up over it or worry about people judging you. trust me that's the worst thing you can do to yourself and the surest way to keep yourself from getting to a healthy, productive state. in my teens when I first started to suspect I had ADD, I was RACKED with self-doubt and fears that people would judge me and think I was just making excuses for myself if I said I thought I had some disorder. it pains me to think of all the bad things in my life that could have been prevented if I'd just stuck with my gut feeling and gotten the right help. but, that's all water under the bridge.

bottom line, don't worry. it's OKAY to have these problems and it's not your fault. it's OKAY to not be sure what the problem is exactly, and it's OKAY to speculate and suggest things it might be. and I know it's easier said than done, but just going by what you said in the journal, I recommend making an appointment with a therapist. it's worth considering anyway. and if you ever want to talk about anything you can always message me. I've been through heck with mental disorders and it would make me happy if my experience helped others. :>

I did/do the same thing. There was a period of time when I didn't have a job or anything to do, so all day I would sit and just loaf around. I could have done SO MUCH but I didn't and I think it has to do with how I refuse to take anything for my depression. I was medicated in high school and it made me devoid of feelings. I got to the point where I would rather feel bad than feel nothing... And I know it was probably due to my hormones and stuff, but I am still very reluctant to try them again. Besides the pills would always get stuck in my throat and just burn for hours and hours, THAT was a cool bonus. But like you said, it was also probably due to the doctors being bad at their jobs. I have such trust issues it's wild.

You are such a sweet heart, thank you for sharing your perspective with me. Now that I am starting to recognize these parts of my personality as not really me... More just a by product of my mental illnesses, it is getting easier to accept the fact that I should probably seek some sort of professional assistance. Know that you are always welcome to come to me if you want to talk about anything as well. I appreciate you so much. ♥

I do this too.
All the time.
:<
It's so hard. Maybe find a scenario where you can't really be distracted properly...put on some really neat music and get in the groove. Put on a shwo you enjoy that you don't have to look at but can just listen to. I do this so I can distract myself enough to draw. Bc often, otherwise, unless a MUSE~~~ comes along, it's not gonna happen and before I know it I blame myself for wasting the day no matter what other cool stuff I do!
Maybe try to see a therapist and if they want to recommend a psychiatrist that could be good too but PLEASE be careful if they decide to give you a medication for ADHD. Many of these meds can mess you up if you're not a child and/or don't metabolize drugs differently.
You can always hit me up. My door's always open for loved ones and you're one of 'em.

Thank you so much. ♥

Music is like one of the only ways I can motivate myself sometimes. It is like art, but for your ears...

I am very apprehensive about taking any medications. Not only can I never remember to take them, my body is very small and sometimes they just can't prescribe a small enough dosage. Birth control and anti depressants really messed me up when I was younger. Now I am reluctant to take a pain killer if I have a headache. But recently I have been trying to change my thought patterns and I can see an improvement. Don't even feel as nauseous in the mornings any more. Your support means everything to me. Thanks for being such a good friend.