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Stress, regret and sadness.
10 years ago
Dealing with stress is annoying, more so annoying when it's stress caused by so many things. From work, to the people you care about and then even the relationship of others.
From a father's perspective I can't help but treat those younger than me as if they were just that, younger. Like my own kids from time to time I end up in these long lectures or it feels like I'm trying to push them along a specific path. Like I know what's better for them, because I had kids and have a kid right? Well that may not be the case.
I've worked long and hard, worked with my son as best I can, worked with the people I love and call my closest friends but even then it feels like I fall short of being able to provide much other than a safety net of support financially.
The hardest part is when you see people you care about who are together start drifting apart. Or when you know some one is doing something wrong, and when you try and tell them they take it the wrong way, or it push's that person further from you to the point they run into the arms of another person for the slightest of comfort.
I've done this far to many times and lately I'm starting to think perhaps I'm just no longer cut out for trying to handle friends relationship qualms or give advice. Most of it falls on deaf ears, or it's brushed off as I'm just being an irritation. By both parties.
Cheating, lies, sneaking around. It's all the same, again and again on this place. I got wrapped up into it myself and because of it I ruined what most likely would of been the best guy in my life to be with. Luckily we're talking again, sorting things out.... we want to try again but he doesn't know if he can trust me, doesn't know if he can look at me the same way any more. I know so many people dealing with the same thing and a part of me wants to strangle every one who does it, to scream at them don't fuck up something that can make you happy for the rest of your life because of a fluttering moment of brief flirtation from some one who you find attractive over the internet.
My opinion is to not give up those you are within reach, who will go the extra mile for you and then some. Those are the people you want to keep close. Sex is important I understand, doing things exciting, adventurous, even lewd it's all great and fun.... but is that brief moment of excitement worth losing some one who put their heart in your care and has time and time again tried to show you that they would always be there willing to walk side by side with you. When you were sick, wen you are mad... or happy.
I learned the hard way.... it wasn't worth it... and not a day goes by where I don't feel myself starting to cry when I realize that the person who would of been my perfect husband is no longer in the same bed besides me, because of mistake I made for a sudden thrill.
Also for those who read this, for those who are with people you love. Cherish it.... because you never know when it may end, and fight for it... fight for it as hard as you can, make things work... listen to the other person your with.
On a final note, I'm not sure if I want to fully come back to the fandom or not. At the moment, I'm starting to see a bit to much wrong with it in some ways, the negatives at current outweigh the positives.
From a father's perspective I can't help but treat those younger than me as if they were just that, younger. Like my own kids from time to time I end up in these long lectures or it feels like I'm trying to push them along a specific path. Like I know what's better for them, because I had kids and have a kid right? Well that may not be the case.
I've worked long and hard, worked with my son as best I can, worked with the people I love and call my closest friends but even then it feels like I fall short of being able to provide much other than a safety net of support financially.
The hardest part is when you see people you care about who are together start drifting apart. Or when you know some one is doing something wrong, and when you try and tell them they take it the wrong way, or it push's that person further from you to the point they run into the arms of another person for the slightest of comfort.
I've done this far to many times and lately I'm starting to think perhaps I'm just no longer cut out for trying to handle friends relationship qualms or give advice. Most of it falls on deaf ears, or it's brushed off as I'm just being an irritation. By both parties.
Cheating, lies, sneaking around. It's all the same, again and again on this place. I got wrapped up into it myself and because of it I ruined what most likely would of been the best guy in my life to be with. Luckily we're talking again, sorting things out.... we want to try again but he doesn't know if he can trust me, doesn't know if he can look at me the same way any more. I know so many people dealing with the same thing and a part of me wants to strangle every one who does it, to scream at them don't fuck up something that can make you happy for the rest of your life because of a fluttering moment of brief flirtation from some one who you find attractive over the internet.
My opinion is to not give up those you are within reach, who will go the extra mile for you and then some. Those are the people you want to keep close. Sex is important I understand, doing things exciting, adventurous, even lewd it's all great and fun.... but is that brief moment of excitement worth losing some one who put their heart in your care and has time and time again tried to show you that they would always be there willing to walk side by side with you. When you were sick, wen you are mad... or happy.
I learned the hard way.... it wasn't worth it... and not a day goes by where I don't feel myself starting to cry when I realize that the person who would of been my perfect husband is no longer in the same bed besides me, because of mistake I made for a sudden thrill.
Also for those who read this, for those who are with people you love. Cherish it.... because you never know when it may end, and fight for it... fight for it as hard as you can, make things work... listen to the other person your with.
On a final note, I'm not sure if I want to fully come back to the fandom or not. At the moment, I'm starting to see a bit to much wrong with it in some ways, the negatives at current outweigh the positives.
Put your trust in the best of friends and treat everyone with polite courtesy until given a reason to do otherwise. Refuse to participate in drama as much as you can avoid it.
Those things have helped me navigate this wonderful but messy community and meet some genuinely cool people whose friendship I will treasure forever. No regrets.
I try my best to be the kind loving person I am, and at times I hold back my honest opinions on worry I'll insult, or harm some one else.
Drama doesn't bother me much, but only when it involves those closest to me it can make things hard but some how I manage. Right now I have a few groups of friends who are struggling so bad right now with their relationships. So lost, so confused... not sure what they want. Do they want just sex, do they want a meaningful relationship. Some of them are afraid to show they are dating some one. Some aren't.
I'm so lost right now, so confused with how to go about things because all of these people are my friends, I don't want to lose respect in them, or for me to lose theirs. But when I see people doing things I regret so badly down to my core that it makes me feel like I'm tarring myself apart. I can't help but want to scream at them all and point out everything so messed up that they're doing.
But at the same time I can also understand how they feel, long distance is rough, also being so involved and sexual with things is another hurdle to try and overcome. But I just want these people to be proud, to be proud of the person they are with, to show them off and say "This is my boyfriend, and they're mine and no one elses".
6 people, 6 people and to those who read this, you know who you are. Seriously.... I want you all happy, but I don't want you to make foolish mistakes based off on what could only be a fling.... over some one who is RIGHT THERE!
It's nearly as gut-wrenching to me as a friend who's sincerely angry or disappointed with me, even if I'm not directly involved.
You do have a really strong point on it. I mean, the whole 69 postion is fun, but you are right. You are absolutly right about it.
I also hope you keep in touch, sorry to hear that you plan on leaving.
But yeah, there's a lot of power in them I suppose. I worry so much for 6 people who are close to me right now who are struggling inside relationships, and some of them have been going about things the wrong way. I try and advice them to a point but all my information, all my helpfulness is brushed away as me just being a Dad, or me just being annoying or mean or something like that.
It's hard to see it happen in front of me, and even harder when all those people are my friends and I know unless they seriously try, and not keep sneaking about. Nothing will ever change and they'll just keep doing the same things again and again and again, moving from one person to the nest, later on regretting that they had that one person willing to be there for them.
sorry to hear about that. :c
But yeah, there's a lot of power in them I suppose. I worry so much for 6 people who are close to me right now who are struggling inside relationships, and some of them have been going about things the wrong way. I try and advice them to a point but all my information, all my helpfulness is brushed away as me just being a Dad, or me just being annoying or mean or something like that.
It's hard to see it happen in front of me, and even harder when all those people are my friends and I know unless they seriously try, and not keep sneaking about. Nothing will ever change and they'll just keep doing the same things again and again and again, moving from one person to the nest, later on regretting that they had that one person willing to be there for them.