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Stress Issues 07/31/15
10 years ago
General
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even the darkest of nights can be beautiful if you know where to look
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even the darkest of nights can be beautiful if you know where to look
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I've been having some issues with stress lately and as a result I haven't been able to work on anything. Between drinking way to much (almost nightly) and eating enough to feed three or more people I have come to realize that I am probably not deal with it well. so I figured I might talk about it here. maybe even fantasize about what I wish was happening now. idk. but basically this is the problem.
MY FUCKING MOTHER!!!!!
so my close friends know about the history of abuse and the insecurities and pain I have suffered through in past years. and how my Stepfather and Mother are to blame for it. well they broke up, they are getting divorced. which doesn't seem bad right now but that is just the tip of the iceberg. upon learning that he was cheating on her, mom decided to spy on him and try to catch him in the act. as to how she found out. a physic told her. so annoyed with her he tried to leave her the first time telling he he doesn't love her. but mom being mom wouldn't have it so they went to marriage Counseling. but he still wanted to leave so he told her it was over and left. but mom being the fucking asshole bitch she is decided to flip her shit, blaming my brother, her and his son, for the whole thing and threatening to do to him what she did to me. my older sister was there and prevented it. but soon after that mom said she was gonna kill my stepfather and herself. even going as far as to drag my sister onto his mothers property looking for him. so his mother pressed charges, and he got a peace bond against her. but that isn't the end of it. she tries to kill her self and ends up in mental health which she soon leaves with the doctors claiming she is completely sane. (which is bullshit) so she started trying to track him down. of course she has my sister tell me everything that is going on. so i go down there, my computer getting broken in the process. so i'm there for a while to take some stress off my sister who is watching mom. but then mom tries to kill my brother. pounding his head into the car yelling that she is gonna kill him. in which my brother then moves in with my sister. and mom yet again tries to kill herself. she ends up in the hospital again. at this point I'm at my aunts because the stress is over whelming. i spend the rest of my stay there, but on the way home I'm told that mom went back to the psychic who told her that she and my stepfather are gonna get back together at the end of august. so I'm just here waiting to get another call about my mother going off the rails again. and the more I try to let it go until then the more and more stress I am under. so I drink, I over eat and I sleep badly and have multiple nightmares. so bad in fact I have to sleep in the daytime to make up for it. and to make matters worse me and my sister are not talking to each other because I refused to go back to her house after going to my aunts, because I was too stressed. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I can't deal with this bullshit and nothing I do will relieve me of my raising amount of stress. I can't even bring myself to draw anything at this point. and now I'm worried about my Online brother who is having his own issues. which makes it all the more worse. it is times like this i wish i could just disappear for a while. not forever just for a couple weeks or so. away from places where i can be contacted by family. hell even living in a dark closet is preferable to being where I am right now. but then I'm nothing more then others slave. always wanting me for their own ends and not caring what I need. only a few people truly care about how i feel and those people I don't like bothering.... you all know who you are.
well if you read this all the way through I guess you might understand the stress I'm under now. but if not I would appreciate if you don't make it worse for me. this was just a way for me to vent. I apologize to anyone who feels it was a waste of time. and I hope you can forgive me for wasting it.
The Stressed Dragon,
Belikr "Lust" Darkscale
MY FUCKING MOTHER!!!!!
so my close friends know about the history of abuse and the insecurities and pain I have suffered through in past years. and how my Stepfather and Mother are to blame for it. well they broke up, they are getting divorced. which doesn't seem bad right now but that is just the tip of the iceberg. upon learning that he was cheating on her, mom decided to spy on him and try to catch him in the act. as to how she found out. a physic told her. so annoyed with her he tried to leave her the first time telling he he doesn't love her. but mom being mom wouldn't have it so they went to marriage Counseling. but he still wanted to leave so he told her it was over and left. but mom being the fucking asshole bitch she is decided to flip her shit, blaming my brother, her and his son, for the whole thing and threatening to do to him what she did to me. my older sister was there and prevented it. but soon after that mom said she was gonna kill my stepfather and herself. even going as far as to drag my sister onto his mothers property looking for him. so his mother pressed charges, and he got a peace bond against her. but that isn't the end of it. she tries to kill her self and ends up in mental health which she soon leaves with the doctors claiming she is completely sane. (which is bullshit) so she started trying to track him down. of course she has my sister tell me everything that is going on. so i go down there, my computer getting broken in the process. so i'm there for a while to take some stress off my sister who is watching mom. but then mom tries to kill my brother. pounding his head into the car yelling that she is gonna kill him. in which my brother then moves in with my sister. and mom yet again tries to kill herself. she ends up in the hospital again. at this point I'm at my aunts because the stress is over whelming. i spend the rest of my stay there, but on the way home I'm told that mom went back to the psychic who told her that she and my stepfather are gonna get back together at the end of august. so I'm just here waiting to get another call about my mother going off the rails again. and the more I try to let it go until then the more and more stress I am under. so I drink, I over eat and I sleep badly and have multiple nightmares. so bad in fact I have to sleep in the daytime to make up for it. and to make matters worse me and my sister are not talking to each other because I refused to go back to her house after going to my aunts, because I was too stressed. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I can't deal with this bullshit and nothing I do will relieve me of my raising amount of stress. I can't even bring myself to draw anything at this point. and now I'm worried about my Online brother who is having his own issues. which makes it all the more worse. it is times like this i wish i could just disappear for a while. not forever just for a couple weeks or so. away from places where i can be contacted by family. hell even living in a dark closet is preferable to being where I am right now. but then I'm nothing more then others slave. always wanting me for their own ends and not caring what I need. only a few people truly care about how i feel and those people I don't like bothering.... you all know who you are.
well if you read this all the way through I guess you might understand the stress I'm under now. but if not I would appreciate if you don't make it worse for me. this was just a way for me to vent. I apologize to anyone who feels it was a waste of time. and I hope you can forgive me for wasting it.
The Stressed Dragon,
Belikr "Lust" Darkscale
LazarusWolf
~lazaruswolf
*hugs* I understand your pain. Im going through a tough time myself.
