What I don't understand most of my time here on this community is my insatiable envy to people at times. I have a friend who listens to me complain about my life, and I appreciate he listens to me, yet still I find myself getting jealous and conflicted with my feelings when he gets art I want or has the ability to talk to everyone because he's a neat guy, and everyone is his friend. I envy that, for whatever reason, and it makes me feel upset. Annoyed, even, and I wish it would stop. If I was competent, I wouldn't care what people got. I wouldn't be jealous they got it and that I couldn't get it - but I suppose it's just human nature, isn't it?

I find myself getting jealous over a lot of people all the time. That they get art I wanted, or they just have art, and I can't get art because I find myself lacking the funds of persuasive skills they do to acquire things. It makes me feel annoyed, I guess, upset, sad, and I wish it would stop. It's a dire feeling. It's an annoying feeling. It feels like I want to hit something because I can't get what I want, but I wish I knew how to deal with it, instead of being jippy and rude to the people who have things I want but can't have.

I think I'll find solace in the people who do talk to me to find calmness with my envy.