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sad yote
10 years ago
General
I've kept this to myself for too long. I go through this occasionally because I just don't know how to cope with the sadness.
I know I don't talk about my mother and sister passing much. I tend to sweep sadness under a rug to periodically find later. I tell people I'm fine when I’m sometimes not.
I was at work today and my mind wandered to all the good times I had this past weekend and I cried. I cried because I wished my mom was here to see me, I wished my sister was here to share it with me. I cried because I even missed how much they annoyed the ever for loving snot out of me or embarrassed me just for the heck of it (my mom was really bad about the latter).
I realized that in small way furry events and conventions make me a bit sad.
I’ll never get to hear my mother and sister’s ear piercing squeals at the sight of my fursuit. Or the questions about “What is a furry?” Or the ability to drag my little sister into the fandom with her grinning ear to ear along the way.
I’ll never get to hear my mom comment on how I've become handy in my own way (she was good anything she wanted to do household wise-plumbing, etc. I’m not bad at sewing, or craft related stuff.)
My mother didn't live long enough to see me get my driver’s license or for me to share with her that I'm bisexual.
I stand here looking at myself knowing they'd be proud of who I am today. It still makes me sad though.
I wish I didn't have remember them and think about how awesome they'd think what I've been up to is... I wish they were here to tell me…
I know I don't talk about my mother and sister passing much. I tend to sweep sadness under a rug to periodically find later. I tell people I'm fine when I’m sometimes not.
I was at work today and my mind wandered to all the good times I had this past weekend and I cried. I cried because I wished my mom was here to see me, I wished my sister was here to share it with me. I cried because I even missed how much they annoyed the ever for loving snot out of me or embarrassed me just for the heck of it (my mom was really bad about the latter).
I realized that in small way furry events and conventions make me a bit sad.
I’ll never get to hear my mother and sister’s ear piercing squeals at the sight of my fursuit. Or the questions about “What is a furry?” Or the ability to drag my little sister into the fandom with her grinning ear to ear along the way.
I’ll never get to hear my mom comment on how I've become handy in my own way (she was good anything she wanted to do household wise-plumbing, etc. I’m not bad at sewing, or craft related stuff.)
My mother didn't live long enough to see me get my driver’s license or for me to share with her that I'm bisexual.
I stand here looking at myself knowing they'd be proud of who I am today. It still makes me sad though.
I wish I didn't have remember them and think about how awesome they'd think what I've been up to is... I wish they were here to tell me…
And don't you ever wish that you didn't remember them. Your remembrance of your family is the one shot at immortality they get.
My grandpa died in December, and my dad and uncles have been working to preserve his memory by doing work he'd be proud of. I have my grandpa's old furniture, and some of his notes from when it was at his last apartment. Those things keep my grandpa's memory alive, when he himself is not.
It's a good thing you feel sad, because it means that they were important people. Let that sadness guide you a bit. Don't look at furry events as a sad ting. Use them to let those memories of your mom and sis live THROUGH you for a moment.
So hey, next time I see you at a con, I'ma give you a big hug, and it'll be from me to the three of you. They would be proud of you, cause you're a good person doing alright in the world.
One final thing. Your memories of people fade in a certain order. The sound of their voice is first. So try to keep that voice alive, because as long as you can remember what they sounded like, you won't ever forget the important things about them. (This is why I have saved voice mails of my family on my phone)