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Last 18 Months
10 years ago
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Where do I start...
Hell that's a good term as any. My mom died shortly after my birthday last year, as to anyone who wondered why I don't want to celebrate it anymore. She died of pancreatic cancer, she wasn't even diagnosed until a couple weeks before she died.
The hole that has torn open in me indescribable. She was my best friend my biggest supporter. I loved her so much. Tears of loss stream down my face writing this post.
But that is not the half of it. Shortly after her death my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer as well. Watching him slowly fade away has been unbearable. There is nothing like seeing the man who raised me reduced to a skeletal figure unable to get out of bed. All dignity lost to the ravages of the disease.
My soul hurts in ways I can never put in words.
If you have family don't squander your chances to tell them how much you love them. It can be gone in a moment.
I look back at the petty arguments and fights over the years and think wow it's so trivial now looking back.
I can tell you right now if you are harboring some kind of a grudge with your family it's not worth it. Let it go.
I'm sorry this is rambling on but I have so many thoughts and I want to get them out.
I was reading through the history of video cards the other day and I was reading the entry on the ATI Rage Pro Turbo AGP Card. It struck me that was the card (OEM Version) that I used I'm the first computer I built my mom. I don't know why it struck me so but I suddenly could remember everything about that computer the smell of the parts the look of it everything. It was surreal.
It was an Intel SE440BX motherboard Pentium II 400Mhz. That ATI Rage Pro Turbo. It put such a smile on her face.
Anyway this is all why I have been so distant and withdrawn for a while. I figured I could at least share the why.
Hell that's a good term as any. My mom died shortly after my birthday last year, as to anyone who wondered why I don't want to celebrate it anymore. She died of pancreatic cancer, she wasn't even diagnosed until a couple weeks before she died.
The hole that has torn open in me indescribable. She was my best friend my biggest supporter. I loved her so much. Tears of loss stream down my face writing this post.
But that is not the half of it. Shortly after her death my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer as well. Watching him slowly fade away has been unbearable. There is nothing like seeing the man who raised me reduced to a skeletal figure unable to get out of bed. All dignity lost to the ravages of the disease.
My soul hurts in ways I can never put in words.
If you have family don't squander your chances to tell them how much you love them. It can be gone in a moment.
I look back at the petty arguments and fights over the years and think wow it's so trivial now looking back.
I can tell you right now if you are harboring some kind of a grudge with your family it's not worth it. Let it go.
I'm sorry this is rambling on but I have so many thoughts and I want to get them out.
I was reading through the history of video cards the other day and I was reading the entry on the ATI Rage Pro Turbo AGP Card. It struck me that was the card (OEM Version) that I used I'm the first computer I built my mom. I don't know why it struck me so but I suddenly could remember everything about that computer the smell of the parts the look of it everything. It was surreal.
It was an Intel SE440BX motherboard Pentium II 400Mhz. That ATI Rage Pro Turbo. It put such a smile on her face.
Anyway this is all why I have been so distant and withdrawn for a while. I figured I could at least share the why.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AX8mwQauhRA