Sorry for the downer journal. I just... I've been trying so hard to get my idea for a walrus dong made by anyone out there, and now that dream is dead. I ended up getting banned from BadDragon's labs for selling them the idea while it was being considered by Exotic Erotics, which also caused them to reject my design and delay their own version of a walrus toy indefinitely, which I don't appreciate. I managed to get it made by Average the Porn Fish on FA, but no one else bought it (and the mold for one of them failed so spectacularly, he couldn't make anymore), and now he's giving the practice up. He is giving away the other molds of his to DamnAverage, but thanks to some stupid bad blood between us that she won't drop for some reason, she's refusing my designs, so I can't get that done, either. I tried convincing Frisky Beast to take the designs, but they're going on about copyright issues that keep them from accepting it. That was the last straw for me, so that's why I said what I said.

I know you guys say I should do this kind of stuff for myself and not for anyone else, but you've gotta understand, I've got a long, hard-learned inferiority complex that demands that I be recognized and vindicated for what I do, if it's right, and not just be brushed off or be shat on as being stupid. I need to be validated, so that's why I feel like I should need to do these things for you guys, not for me. It may sound selfish, but I feel like I can't get any pleasure out of it without knowing other people are getting some joy out of it, as well, and are willing to give me my just praise for it. I hope that explains why I'm being so hard on myself with my art; I want to do it, I desperately need to do it, but I need to do it for you guys, or else it has no meaning to me...