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[Smaller text wall] tenant situation
10 years ago
General
My husband and I told our tenant this weekend that she has 6 months to find another place to live because my brother needs to move in. She blew up, said things like, I knew you didn't F***ing want me here, you hate me, it's back to square one, etc. (she's been at square one for a long time, just not at her parents' house) and went to the basement and posted concerning suicidal messages to Tumblr. A similar thing happened when we told her to either clean up after or get rid of her cats. She came here with the understanding that it WOULD be temporary, and our situation has changed, my brother needs to move out as soon as possible. It isn't about her, it's about us doing what we need to do with our house and our family. Our tenant has a few very bad mental illnesses and knows it but won't get treatment for them. I'm not going to force her to get therapy. It's just like my dad's guilt trips all over again. I'm afraid to talk to her. Not really sure if talking to her will do any good at this point because she doesn't trust or like us anymore, but I can't just watch her retreat further and further away from people. We do have the hospital's mobile crisis team hotline on hand if she actually threatens to hurt herself, which she hasn't, it's just been "I'd kill myself if I weren't so lazy" and "I would kill myself if I moved back in with my parents". But they're extremely concerning.
I don't know what to do other than let her process the transition on her own. My brother needs to move in, so she can't stay at our house much longer. Six months is a very long time. I didn't sleep much last week because I was worried about my dad, and I doubt I'll get a good night's sleep until she finally moves out. I can't help but worry. I am not emotionally equipped to handle a friend's extreme case of mental illness. Sorry, but I'm just not. Does it make me a bad person that I can't give them what they need?
These things that I can barely handle keep coming. I'm very thankful for having a lot of art to work on this month. It helps process things and focus on something else for a while. It's very unlike me to complain this much. It will be over within 6 months, hopefully. I'm getting some professional counseling for my own mental health as soon as possible. I'm just so anxious all the time. >_<
I don't know what to do other than let her process the transition on her own. My brother needs to move in, so she can't stay at our house much longer. Six months is a very long time. I didn't sleep much last week because I was worried about my dad, and I doubt I'll get a good night's sleep until she finally moves out. I can't help but worry. I am not emotionally equipped to handle a friend's extreme case of mental illness. Sorry, but I'm just not. Does it make me a bad person that I can't give them what they need?
These things that I can barely handle keep coming. I'm very thankful for having a lot of art to work on this month. It helps process things and focus on something else for a while. It's very unlike me to complain this much. It will be over within 6 months, hopefully. I'm getting some professional counseling for my own mental health as soon as possible. I'm just so anxious all the time. >_<
This is a difficult situation you're in considering how she is acting, but remember that it is your house and that you are allowing her to live there.
(Honestly I would have told her to leave even sooner if she took that tone with me).
You gave her enough notice on how long she has to be there until. 6 months is MORE than enough time to find another place to live. Hopefully she abides by what you say and doesn't cause you anymore stress.
Did you guys sign a contract with her when she moved in?
The best thing you can do is be Empathetic, Consistent, but Stern.
<hugs>
-hug-
Going off what bobbycorwin said, and as someone who's dealt with suicidal ideation in the past, change pretty much has to come from within. She has to want it. And you can't make her want it.
I understand your concern for her but ultimately, she is her own responsibility. If her response to your attempts to be supportive have been further self-destructive attitudes, you can't really help that.
Who knows, perhaps seeing that she does not always get things her way when she throws a fit (which is what this sounds like) will be a good lesson. I had to more or less hit rock bottom before I figured out I needed mental help if I didn't want to stay miserable. I can only hope it'll be a wake up call for her.
Mental illness is a battle, and one that you can't have other people fight for you.
Don't feel like a bad guy in this, basically. You're doing what you have to do, for your family. She'll have to learn to deal with it; comfortable places with cheap rent are very difficult to come by. At some point, you either have to work or prove to somebody that you're so irreparably non-functional that you can't work and you need federal assistance. And either of those are going to involve her reaching out.
You just can't be afraid to reach out. There's no shame in it.
(Likewise, I'm glad you're pursuing someone to talk to for your own anxiety. Shit's tough, man. I'm glad you're gonna talk to someone.)
I talked to Swandog on my previous text wall journal and she suspected I may have C-PTSD, which would definitely warrant getting both a professional diagnosis and counseling. If there's a way to cope with it, you bet your bananas I'm going to find a way.
I know it's tough for your tenant too but it sounds like she has to get therapy. I've been in the same boat when I try to suggest therapy in the friendliest way possible. It's quite disheartening when I tell some friends there are therapists willing to help out but then they refuse to go. There really is no shame in going to therapy, it's there when we need it.
I think going to counseling will be a wonderful idea! I've taken advantage of the free personal counseling here at my college and it really helped me put things into perspective and made me a whole lot better. Even when I'm feeling a lot better I still visit on an occasion to just have a friendly talk and share some minor concerns.
I'm also up for talking if you want. Don't worry! This snake won't bite. :3
There's also us if you need someone to talk to. :3
you are not in the wrong here.
I find people who use suicide threats as a guilt trip method or a pity method sickening...
6 months is a very good heads up time, as it gives the person a lot of time to make future plans for moving out...that is if they actually try to do something other then sitting around complaining.
They just sound really immature and I'm sorry you have to deal with them.
she has six month's notice. that's an awesome deal. you've done nothing wrong.