It's been nearly a month since I last submitted a form online for a quote to an Australian fursuit maker who shall be remained nameless who fucked me over and over again to a point I wanted them investigated by ACCC because of them committing false claims on their site. And to make it worse it is now less then a month till Halloween. I would love to attend the EB Games expo this year which is now but something deep inside me is making me feel like meh! If I miss it, I miss it as I didn't felt like going this year. I knew as a gamer I would normally get pissed off if I didn't go but because of this thing in my head haunting me constantly. And the thing is it is on now in Sydney and today is the last day for that con. Because all my life I want to go there as Bruzo. Not as my human self.
I would've email a request to North Queensland Cowboys yesterday to have a shot of preforming in costume as their mascot for the one day because it would give me an experience closest to being a fursuiter. But unfortunately I checked their website in their contacts page and it said and I quote "You need to wait 14 days to get a reply from us." It was yesterday when I went into their website and knowing that today is the day I want to have a chance to get that unpaid experience I'm craving so much it sickens me. I knew for the fact that the day I'm writing this journal is also the day of the NRL Grand Final. It's an all Queensland grand final as the main game and the team I wanted to preform for is vs. Brisbane Broncos. The team I absolutely despise because of their coach no offence to any of my watchers who are fans of them. I am willing to get on the next train to Sydney to do that honour. Hell, I will be willing to do it free. But I am so pissed off at myself for not emailing them sooner.
I admit to even shaving my arms and legs and perhaps my chest so I can get every hear on my body into a baggie so it would become stuffing for a custom plush of Bruzo. Thus according to pagan folklore my soul would be inside that doll if I were to die and I will end up becoming a fursuiter in the after life because it would bits of me inside that stuffed toy and thus it would become a new vessel to house my soul and it would feel like heaven to me. Hey, I'm open to different cultural belief's and that's how desperate I am to be a fursuiter or anything besides being dressed as a human that I currently am.
Every single weekend now I am deprived of my sleep thinking when will I have at least this one lousy day as a suiter. 1 lousy fucking day is all I want!
To snap out of this mood and to at least give myself a chance to become my argonian I defied my mums orders and turned the internet on just to spent a couple of hours playing ESO as if I didn't do it would feel like torture to me mentally. And it would be anarchy in my family towards me and done by me at the same time. No one in my household would want that to happen including me. As a matter of fact even I would absolutely hate that to happen. It's no bullshit. I really do.
I had tried to research the known fursuiters in Newcastle or at least live within NSW because I wanted to see if they would be ok if I can borrow their suit to dress in for Halloween at least. But I fear that the answer would most likely be no. I even had end up looking for ads or statuses of other furries are willing to give away their old suits or at least their heads even if it is a cheesy toon head with a foam static or closed jaw and selling it cheep because they're upgrading to something better like the same head but with a moving jaw or even an animatronic head. I don't care if it's a bunny. Hell I don't even care if its out of a My Little Pony costume and TBH I will be angry if someone even dare to call me a brony. But the thing is every single ad for anything that resemble a fursuit I answered it pissed my off because it's either sold or they don't have it anymore.
I do have the joy of watching fursuiters do their things in cons and in public in costumes and they made me feel happy but the one fursuiting videos I cringe on but I watch out of obsession is unboxing vidoes. I mean whats the point of putting that on YouTube. Why this torture! and most likely that either have mates over in their house or have face time with them on Skype. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them and also to my watchers getting there's like  ~Pompeii~ aka  MelanieShadowrose, and  Mochi. and looking forward to them getting one for themselves. So to them congrats of having them made for you guys. I feel down inside because no one is making an argonian fullsuit for me yet or any Australian fursuit maker had even game my an effort to quote me. Thus I'm not being too much of a bitch about it like some people and threaten to shut down my FA. So instead I will be the role model to my watchers and instead of just posting my own art and gift art I get from my watchers. Mainly and (thank you so much for putting the effort in giving me drawing in FA of my character) as of now I'm going to at least try and earn some money by opening myself for art commission's once I made up the price sheet and post it to my gallery. I'm starting with my Minecraft Character sonas so if you are interested. Be on the lookout.