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"We can make this work" (Vent, feel free to ignore)
10 years ago
I'm going to be venting a lot of my current issues that are affecting me into a spiraling depression (because it hurts that I can't get it out through other means)
Art is slowly being worked on so don't worry; I'm just getting stuff off my chest, if at least for a bit.
TBH I hate having to say/hear this every month whenever rent and bill time comes around; my brother and I always hafta cut so much out of ourselves just to make ends meet, and yet we're still always behind. Like I know for a fact I will probably not be able to pay all the bills this month without suffering paying next month's rent. My one credit card is nothing short of a black hole; I can't afford to pay it off (even the monthly amount) because all my money has to go elsewhere of more importance, as it continues to build up more and more. Rent alone takes easily 80% of what I make from work, then comes car insurance, storage unit, PUD, internet, phone, and finally food for myself and my brother; something always get cut from one months earning for hopefully the next month.
My brother can't really get an entry level job because of his injured back/spine preventing him from from manual tasks, (90% all min wage jobs) so he needs to get a desk job. However, he doesn't have his own mode of transportation, so he can't reliably get to those jobs he was offered (Plus the bus service were slashed recently so getting there by bus meant about 6 hours to and back) On top of this, he's apparently not injured enough to get disability; mind you his back injury was from a hit and run car incident about half a year ago and he's still unable to get benefits. The last job he had was contract and they ended it like 2 months ago, but we "made it work".
Work is taking its toll on me too. My feet are in almost constant pain, no matter the length of my shift. Be it 4 hours or 8 with an hour lunch, my feet ache something fierce and it leaves me exhausted whenever I get home. My back too is getting strained and worn down; I sleep on a damaged cough I got from helping a friend move a few months back, and my brother needs to bed to deal with his own back problems. Also because my schedule isn't all that constant per week, I always end up in some days where I hafta go straight to bed just to get 6 hours before another 8 hour shift. NO COFFEE is involved with this. And because of all the work stress, I have almost no drive to draw, even something something easy, or for myself; let alone commissions. And when I get a day off, I generally find myself either too drained from work or money related stress that even holding my tablet pen feels like a brick. And once I get my program and tablet working, I get these voices in my head constantly nagging at me that I should be looking for like a second job or an even better job than what I got; but I know it won't really work out. A second job would just eat what little free time I have left and my apartment will become even more trashy; and a better job calls for a specific degree and/or experience in that field in order to get it, which I don't have. I won't even have the possible notion of going back to school and get a degree because of my lack of funds.
Basically everything is a giant unending cycle of misery and apathy, plus an eventual time bomb of stress induced rage and resentment. I have no energy to do anything, not enjoy any aspect of anything. Even when I do get a laugh or some form of enjoyment, it'll only last me at max a minute before I'm back to my drained reality/existence. I have so little drive to do anything, that all I'm left with is a broken chair, an okay PC, a disheveled couch for a bed and a min of $3-5 to spend on lunches during work.
Vacation? what's that? Needed upgrades to my phone/car/anything? can't afford. Grocery shopping day? Rare; mostly not. All I end up doing is sit here and do nothing for hours on end before I hafta get some semblance of dinner made.
So yeah, if you guys are ever pondering where I am, or haven't posted anything of late, I'm either busy at work, or in a depressive nothingness that nothing gets done; maybe a chat or two on skype but that's mostly it.
Art is slowly being worked on so don't worry; I'm just getting stuff off my chest, if at least for a bit.
TBH I hate having to say/hear this every month whenever rent and bill time comes around; my brother and I always hafta cut so much out of ourselves just to make ends meet, and yet we're still always behind. Like I know for a fact I will probably not be able to pay all the bills this month without suffering paying next month's rent. My one credit card is nothing short of a black hole; I can't afford to pay it off (even the monthly amount) because all my money has to go elsewhere of more importance, as it continues to build up more and more. Rent alone takes easily 80% of what I make from work, then comes car insurance, storage unit, PUD, internet, phone, and finally food for myself and my brother; something always get cut from one months earning for hopefully the next month.
My brother can't really get an entry level job because of his injured back/spine preventing him from from manual tasks, (90% all min wage jobs) so he needs to get a desk job. However, he doesn't have his own mode of transportation, so he can't reliably get to those jobs he was offered (Plus the bus service were slashed recently so getting there by bus meant about 6 hours to and back) On top of this, he's apparently not injured enough to get disability; mind you his back injury was from a hit and run car incident about half a year ago and he's still unable to get benefits. The last job he had was contract and they ended it like 2 months ago, but we "made it work".
Work is taking its toll on me too. My feet are in almost constant pain, no matter the length of my shift. Be it 4 hours or 8 with an hour lunch, my feet ache something fierce and it leaves me exhausted whenever I get home. My back too is getting strained and worn down; I sleep on a damaged cough I got from helping a friend move a few months back, and my brother needs to bed to deal with his own back problems. Also because my schedule isn't all that constant per week, I always end up in some days where I hafta go straight to bed just to get 6 hours before another 8 hour shift. NO COFFEE is involved with this. And because of all the work stress, I have almost no drive to draw, even something something easy, or for myself; let alone commissions. And when I get a day off, I generally find myself either too drained from work or money related stress that even holding my tablet pen feels like a brick. And once I get my program and tablet working, I get these voices in my head constantly nagging at me that I should be looking for like a second job or an even better job than what I got; but I know it won't really work out. A second job would just eat what little free time I have left and my apartment will become even more trashy; and a better job calls for a specific degree and/or experience in that field in order to get it, which I don't have. I won't even have the possible notion of going back to school and get a degree because of my lack of funds.
Basically everything is a giant unending cycle of misery and apathy, plus an eventual time bomb of stress induced rage and resentment. I have no energy to do anything, not enjoy any aspect of anything. Even when I do get a laugh or some form of enjoyment, it'll only last me at max a minute before I'm back to my drained reality/existence. I have so little drive to do anything, that all I'm left with is a broken chair, an okay PC, a disheveled couch for a bed and a min of $3-5 to spend on lunches during work.
Vacation? what's that? Needed upgrades to my phone/car/anything? can't afford. Grocery shopping day? Rare; mostly not. All I end up doing is sit here and do nothing for hours on end before I hafta get some semblance of dinner made.
So yeah, if you guys are ever pondering where I am, or haven't posted anything of late, I'm either busy at work, or in a depressive nothingness that nothing gets done; maybe a chat or two on skype but that's mostly it.
Bismarck
~bismarck
You and your brother should really contact an attorney about the car accident. I'm not familiar with the law out there, but it's definitely worth a shot. They might also be able to help you with getting your brother on social security disability. You might be able to get on social security as well. Many personal injury attorneys work on a contingency basis too - you don't pay them a dime unless they get money for you.
