I know I've been taking awhile on the next story chapter, been thinking a lot.

Over the last few months I've been trying to get closure I need. I had a lot of long held feelings about people from my past and wonders about them. So I decided to take a risk and reach out. I reached out a lot.

I sent messages to former friends, former girlfriends and boyfriends and almost dates, to high school bullies and high school classmates I never talked to much, and to people that, well, hate me.

But I owed it to myself to do everything I could to get past it all.

At least half of them ignored me. Friends and even people I would have called family simply said nothing. And perhaps I will never hear from them again. But I can move on from the feelings because I know I tried.

Some of them responded and we rekindled the friendship. Some have been very amazing to me and I'm so glad I reached out.

And some we talked, but it was brief and not much to it. Nothing will be the same with them.

Someone I was very very close to fit a long time, that I cried from missing so badly, we just don't have the bond we used to. I will always love and miss the bond we had, but it's gone.

But the thing is... I'm ok with all that. For some I tried and for some, well, I got the goodbye I needed to give, a proper one. I will always love the friends I had, even if the bond is long since burned out.

Some of them hate me now. I know they actively hate me, and probably will even read this or my twitter about it, and I'm sure they know who they are. And I know they still talk about me with malice. And honestly I hated them back for a long time.

But I'm realizing that will do nothing. Me hating them won't change anything. They'll continue to have their friends, their lives will go on, and they'll probably be happy. Hating then won't change that, it won't fix the bond, and it won't make me feel better. And I hope they realize hating me and talking about what they hate about what I say or do or whatever means nothing.

My life goes on, I have amazing friends and ones I'm happy to call family. Their hate won't change that and I hope they realize that. And if one of you is reading this and know it's you, I don't hold bad feelings anymore. I know we'll probably never be friends again, and that's ok. But I'm done hating. Our lives will probably move on without each other.

I know this probably seems like a slightly depressing journal, but it's not. I've said my goodbyes, I've taken my chances, and I've made my peace and I can move on with the wonderful people in my life.

It's good. I'm so so happy.. I'm going to be ok :)