this is for my own... grief... and for my lack of being able to whisper it to him in person since I cannot make it to his funeral on Monday. I dont need any words of condolences, as I know people are apt to do. He has had Alzheimers for many years, so in a way, this is a happy time.




Hello Grandpa. I know its been a long time since you saw me last. I was what, sixteen then? Seventeen? I dont even remember. But I do remember you. I remember how you smelled, like spice. And how whenever I hugged you, your stubble always scratched my cheek. I remember how you laughed and smiled at me whenever we visited. I always looked forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, so that we could come and visit you and Grandma.

Im sorry we didn't get to visit more. And its only now that youve passed on, that I realize how much I missed you. And how much I wish I could have visited more. I know, that Alzheimer's took your memory away, and perhaps its best that my last visit with you was the last, so I did not see you as you withered. But I still regret not being able to see you more. You were such a strong male figure in my life, and almost the only one I had, since dad lived so far from us and could not see us. I remember thinking how huge you were, and that you had to be immortal. But those were my childish thoughts of fancy, and now with you going to your final rest, I know that no matter how much I wished it, no man is immortal, not even you.

I will miss you, more then I think even I know. We became distant as I grew older, but somehow, you always had a part of my heart. And now there is a hole where I know you used to be. But that pain is alleviated by the fact, that I know you are finally at peace. The ghosts of your memories of WW2 and Korea are gone, and your mind is once more your own. Sickness no longer clouds your mind and you are free to know more then any mere mortal is allowed. I wish you many safe journeys on your new path on the great blue road. And I know that you will watch over us. I will keep my mind and heart open to receive any messages you might give to me.

May warm winds blow at your back, and the road you now travel be soft underfoot. I love you grandpa. And I will miss you. And one day, I will find you on that great blue road of the afterlife and follow swiftly at your feet, tugging at your hand as I so often did as a child.