the last month and a half has been really emotionally draining for me due to things outside of drawing and lurking on the internet. Had to deal with a lot of stupid shit at work but the majority of it will stop by next week so I’m pretty relieved about that. Went between thinking I was great at my job to thinking I was the absolute worst at it constantly going from up to down every day and at points I just felt like putting in my two week notice and finding a new job, but I didn’t want that to be honest. Cause I knew deep down I’m not bad at my job, literally my feedback board and the higher-ups have been praising me immensely this past 2 months, which I’m so thankful for, but I still become deeply depressed about my performance. It got to the point where drawing or just playing games really didn’t help my mood, and eating terribly was just making it worse.

Every one comments on how cheerful and positive I am at work. ( one of the things my managers comment on a lot is my charismatic attitude towards co-workers and my customers.) But it’s honestly really hard to do that. I’m very stressed and anxious about ninety percent of the time I’m there, and the positive look is really there to keep me from spiraling downwards some days.

hopefully things slow down next week… I’ll be the only full time day-worker in my whole department for the next week or so. We’re extremely under-staffed due to the high levels of stress in my particular department carries. No body wants to be hired there. Whenever we do hire part-timers they immediately quit after 2 weeks of training. There’s only three staff members right now and two of them are only able to work night-shifts.Our lead supervisor is gone now so I’ll have to learn most of their duties until we can find another person to fill in the shoes.

I guess it’s just a lot to think about. I’m pretty nervous about taking on a lot more duties than what I was doing for the past two years. But I’m relieved to know this is not my suggested permanent position in the department. If it were I would have quit a while ago to be honest. Not paid enough for the amount of stuff they do.

Art has been alright. Taking it pretty slow now-a-days. Should be updating my comic more often but I keep running back to the drawing board. Making a simple ask blog for Spectaculare is just not my style. I love creating vast worlds and a variety of creatures along with it. Complex stories and twists. Yeah. I really like that sort of stuff. I have a lot of plans for the web comic and I actually feel confident in my ideas. It’s just a matter of drawing them down.

Patreon has been good as well. Very slow at the moment. Been getting a lot of fake pledges through out the months. Pretty annoying but nothing I can’t just delete. Glad I made my pack before the very end of the month. (:

Any way, if you got this far in the journal, thanks for reading?? I never talk any more, least not on this sort of personal level. I think the last time I wrote down personal life shit here was like, two years ago at least.

Thought I would just express my feelings and let out some toxic ooze that's been building up.