I feel like there's nothing for me, like a failure. Everyone always says like..I have been trying to see it for so long, I'm getting to the point where it's just like "What's the point?". I keep telling myself be strong live life you have to live but then I just end up here again, Depressed, Suicidal, Wishing that I was dead, lonely and it hurts, it hurts a fucking lot. I've been trying and trying so hard but I feel like I keep slideing back here, but what's more pathetic is im to much of a coward to even kill myself. Because I don't want people to be sad over me, don't want them to loose sleep over the thought that I killed myself, don't want people to have to pay for my funeral and go to it. So I start to wish that I could die in my sleep, I beg for it. So atleast that way people could have some sort of peace. I don't know what I'm liveing for, I've tried to live for myself and it leads to all of myself worth issues and it's a circle cycle. I'm trying so hard to get better, getting help trying to feel good even recognizing I have a problem. But at this point I feel like I'm walking in a big dark forest lost and going in circles constantly. I'm starting to think, what's the point? Why keep trying if it just keeps leading back here? And people always tell me "You're strong you can do it.", but ya know I don't feel strong at all? I feel like dieing and ya know, I'm tired of walking in fucking circles.