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hypochondriac problems, crippled with fear.
10 years ago
General
╭━━━━━ ☆ ♡ hypochondria ♡ ☆ ━━━━━╮
gahhh .. i'm such a hypochondriac, it's killing me. i feel like i worry 24/7 about my health.
i'll drive myself to tears just thinking that i could possibly have a certain illness. lately all i can think about is blood clots, heart attacks, etc. i know i'm overweight but i'm afraid to exercise and overwork myself, so i'm stuck in the middle. lately there's sudden sharp pain in the back of my thigh, calves, and heels. my cheast/heart hurts for a few seconds-minutes every night, i'm unsure if it's my psych meds or something worse (i read that they can cause diabetes onset and heart problems, as well as kidney problems) .. sometimes it's enough to make me wince and wanna take painkillers. or panic and call my aunt who is a nurse, but i'm sure she's tired of me calling now .. i get constant panic attacks about this and can't sleep at night without lying there for hours thinking about how badly i *don't* want to die from whatever thing i think i have at the time. i'm just so afraid i'll die of an illness suddenly, because i can't afford to go see a doctor. tomorrow i'm gonna call small clinics and see if they are cheap enough for me to come see them .. i really need some reassurance that i'm not gonna die suddenly anytime soon. i'm so crippled by that fear. i'm just so afraid of dying and leaving behind my bf. ;_; thinkin about it is making me tear up right now.
fml. someone take dr google away from me please.
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