Yesterday was a really rough day on me. Both me and my boyfriend.

All I'm going to say is that, I'm tired of living lies and having to protect myself the way I have to in order to survive where I live in real life. And because of these things, and me forgetting them, I almost ruined what I have worked so hard to build up and everything. And I'm so tired of having to live this way.

I just want to be me, who I am, all the time, with the people I love. The people I REALLY love. and the people I REALLY know. Not the mask I have to wear every day just to get by, or the persona I have to put on because of reputations or ideas I have to present in order to protect myself.

It makes me really sad. It's contributed to my depression heavily. And I beat myself up about it all the time. It's part of the reason I'm always so miserable, or have long bouts of silence or just "bleh"ness.

IF I could just leave tomorrow, and disappear from the life I have to live right now so that I could start my new life and live comfortably, I'd give anything for it.

I just want to be me, and be happy.