I think I hold myself back a lot from different things due to the fact that I just don't say what I want to. Perhaps its a manner of preserving a self image that I have artificially made for myself that I continue to stick with and I miss out on a lot of fun scenarios because I'm silent on the matters. Perhaps the instances that I'm speaking of are kink things, and some past feelings that I never expressed, Well fuck its a mix of both in a sense. I still refrain from speaking it, mainly because what i figure is what people would think and say about it. I've always been the type to say "Well screw it, just say it" but I can't take my own damned advice x.x

I know in this day and age people are just being open about what they want and the things they want to do.. why can't I just do that. Damn it. Am I too old fashioned that I don't say what I want? Am I too depending on what the other wants before myself? I mean granted, in my one track mind right now its on the enjoyment and pleasure side of things.. Even though I've shared many experiences in that.. but still seems I desire other things that I haven't expressed as a fun thing I enjoy. Just a weird thought process I'm on right now... I understand that it might be confusing for others since I'm a damned confusing person. Bleh, panty trophies... yum O.o;; I'm gone.