Life has been interesting the past year and a half. I struggled with deliberating depression, met several new people, won or lost many personal battles, and found someone I will love for all eternity! Wind has been the brightest light and the strongest motivation for me. I had a lot of friends and people who supported me and kept me together. Thanks all!

I feel great. I feel very liberated and free for the first time in a while.

Small fact about me. I had developed a PTSD which makes it more difficult for me to trust others from a personal experience a while back. It left me untrusting and I held many people up to ideals that they didn't want and felt hurt when they didn't match my desires. I was wrong. That was very wrong, and I take full responsibility for myself now.

For the past several months I was personally struggling with something completely my own fault. I suppose I made my trust in people conditional, and it hurt me, made me unhappy and unpleasant to be around at times, made me doubt people or lie myself, and the ultimate terrible thing. My happiness was tied to others. I cut that reliance on others, no longer holding them to my unachievable standards. It was wrong for me to keep wishing a reality on others instead of taking them as they are. It was really painful for me, and I hope it didn't hurt anyone else, but I finally feel that I am no longer dependent on others for my own personal happiness. I had to remove something I felt was stopping me from letting go, and I apologize for it. The way I did it was painful to me and others, but it was a fire I had to pass through to be able to let go and eventually be a better me again. I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt, but I had to be honest. I do care, I do want to recover, I do trust you people. I was very wrong for a long time. No more conditions for trust ever (I'm not going to be stupid but I'm going to let go a bit more and roll with it more). I'm not going to lie about something that we care about just to get by with a fake smile. Give me a little while because I think letting others live without judging them, letting them do their own thing will help me become very happy and healthy mentally. I'll be the wise old, happy, and good to be around Dart once more in time!

I really was kinda mentally broken. I broke things during and broke a thing or two to try and get out. I feel like I am finally free and healing. I feel like I need to give some things and some people time to heal as well. What I did recently one of the people especially didn't deserve what I had to do to let go of what I had been doing. None of the many people I asked for help in that manner deserved it. The way I acted when depressed or hurt was entirely my fault. I wish my experience on no one, and I am sorry if it made me slow to make art for people, if I sounded whiny, dramatic, or dumb. I take full responsibility for my own pain and actions. It was no one else's fault but my own.

I'm recovering and feel a kind of happiness I haven't felt in a while. I feel free. I feel like me again. I like things because I like them, I want to see even acquaintances or passerby's as friends. I want to rebuild the friendships I once had on an unconditional trust. I'm being hopeful here, but I think I'll be completely fine mentally from what held me down for so long in the next few months.

AND SO! Here's my plan. I'm going to move forward. I'm going to be happy and kinder to everyone! To those who didn't want to be around me I completely understand. Help me and let me become someone you want to be around again. I'm going to draw art I feel I owe to people. I'm going to draw art for some people as gifts too over the next wile. I'm going to be okay.

Because I'm feeling so alive again, hey, give me art ideas (not requests please)!