I'm going to give you a bit of fair warning, this may be a bit wordy, and may not make full sense. I need to explode in this journal. Mainly because I need the push.

Well, I'm lazy. I've been acting entitled. I've been being a whining bitch. Honestly.

I mean, I've been recovering from being sick, but I refuse to actually get up and do anything. I won't clean the room, or fold clothes, because my arthritis acts up and my lower back screams at me. But, my mother did it for 21+ years. I won't do the dishes because our sink is too small, and the big one is full. But I won't go clean the big one out. WHO CARES IF THEY'RE NOT MY DISHES IF THEY GET DONE. I can't vacuum because it's broken, but I won't sweep. And I sit there as the mess gets bigger, more complex, more frustratingly icky and don't do anything because it's a big mess.

I won't clean the counter out in the dining area thing we have because there's so much clutter. Well, I won't clean the clutter because... I don't even know why. Because I'm lazy. I won't clean the bathroom because I'm lazy. I won't clean because I'm lazy. I'm tired of being lazy. So what if my body doesn't want me to move for more than and hour, or bend more than four or five times? I can fricking do it anyway, and lay down after it's done.

My commissions aren't selling? Nobody knows who I am! Nobody! Nobody reads my journals because I don't put them out often enough. Nobody likes my images because I don't put enough out. Nobody buys because I'm too high priced for a starting artist. Oh. Well. It's not going to all be fixed in a day.

I don't have a job? Well, I can make shizz, sell it. Clean houses (Oddly enough I enjoy cleaning other's things, but detest cleaning my own), pet/baby sit, etc. I can do stuff.

I've been a whiny, stuck up, lazy shit.

This whole thing is being written because I keep being told by people, "You're sick, you're recovering, it's okay!" when it is clearly not! I should have been up and going two weeks ago, this room and bathroom should be spotless, and I'm annoyed with how it's not. But, I've not done anything about it!

I just cleaned the dining area, but can go no further at the moment because my boyfriend is asleep, and I won't wake him up. But I WILL be doing stuff. I will be posting more, less games, less fun time! I mean, I'm finally half way to having a lovely place, clean everything, good food, happy life on my own making, but I want it to be done for me, I guess.

I've been spoiled, I've been lazy. I hate being lazy, hate feeling spoiled, hate being useless. So I'm fixing it. Fixing my art shizz so I can finally actually make a bit of money hopefully, and fixing my attitude!